The end is where we start from, part 1 of 3
by finnhere2
Summary: After years of dodging bullets, a simple accident in the middle of nowhere, puts the lives of Bodie and Doyle in a standstill. This is the first ever story I started to write, after a request, and I hesitated for a long time putting it online. Pros "pure". 7/24 mild editing done in some chapters to make them read easier.
1. Prologi

THE END IS WHERE WE START FROM

Prologue

Bloody hell it was cold. Bodie tried to shift to get his blanket around him but couldn't. Pain started to seep into his mind alongside that coldness. His head was hurting... and every damned part of his body.

And he was... hanging somehow. Kind of sideways. Bodie thought he had to wake up. And then he suddenly realised he was awake... and the pain rushed to fill him.

It was somehow very difficult to open his eyes. Eyelids felt thick and heavy. Bodie tried to lift his right arm to wipe his eyes but pain shot at his shoulder and he winced, stopping the movement.

That pang cleared his mind and he suddenly remembered, gasping with terror. The abrupt jerk of his head caused a pain that almost blew his mind but he fought to stay conscious. Fought to open his eyes.

Ray.

"Ray... RAY?"

No answer. Had he even managed to say it out loud? It was hard to think.

Bodie forced himself to breathe more evenly and gingerly shifted himself more upright. Shoulder... right one... hurt but not broken as he was able to move his arm a little. No broken ribs as far as he could tell, filling his lungs hurt only some. He had hit his head, sure. Concussion but what else? He lifted his left hand and smaller sharp pains twinged as his shaking fingers came first to a bump and then to something sticky and moist. Ok, a bleeding wound. Determinedly he started to wipe his eyes clear of the blood that was already clotting. No use of trying anything else before he could see properly. How long had he been knocked out?

Quiet creaking and shake beneath him almost stopped his heart from beating. It ended... but only for a moment. An involuntary yell escaped Bodie when that sickening creak returned and ground moved.

It felt an eternity before the end came.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

When Bodie started to master his senses again he found himself shaking uncontrollably. Some instinct had made him nestle on his seat before the somersault and it took a moment before he could ease his muscles and let his feet down. He realised the huddle had probably saved his brain. He wasn't able to sit straight, ceiling was pressing down on his skull when he tried to straighten himself. Still shaking he wiped his face, finally getting his vision clearer.

Stunned, Bodie tried to regain his wit. Breeze of air came in, chilling his wet face. Wet? He looked at the hand which was likewise feeling the chill. He was still hanging, barely staying on the seat and his legs... it took a breath before he got it. Really got it.

Capri was in water. And... Christ...

"RAY!"

Bodie's own yell pierced his brain and his sudden turn almost made him pass out again.

His partner was hunched against the seatbelt, passenger door partially open, face in the water.

"Ray?" He already stretched his arm to yank Doyle back when the pain in his own head reminded him to mind Ray's. But there was no time to waste, Ray could drown any second if he already hadn't done that, no time... oh god... and the fucking door was jammed, hell it wouldn't open! "You shitty piece of garbage..."

Bodie turned back towards his mate and thought only for half a second. Then he pushed his left knee against Doyle's seat's side, propped his right foot against the floor as heavily as he could, and eased his seatbelt as far as it would let him as he needed the support it could give. He stretched as far as he could, his good arm farther to get a grab of those curls and support the neck. Swearing, he managed to force his right arm stretch enough to get a hold of Ray's jacket, and pulled and lifted, carefully, evenly, tears of agonizing pain breaking down his face as he tried his best to cause as little move as possible to his mate's neck, and his shoulder and upper arm were screaming of the strain. And just when he thought his grip wouldn't have lasted a heartbeat longer, his mate's head was against the headrest.

Bodie was breathing heavily. "Now fucking what?" he muttered to himself. He could feel pulse when he stretched his fingers to Ray's throat, and that made a surge of relief go through him. But he didn't see Ray breathe and panic tried to flood over him again. "No" he whispered, trying to get his mind clear again. He needed to... yes. Bodie opened his own seatbelt now, leaned over his mate's seat and cursing searched the lever. Then he manouvered himself kneeling on Ray's seat, banging his pounding head against the ceiling, and he eased down the backrest carefully as low as it would go, controlling the motion holding the bar of the headrest. How damned heavy even half a Ray could be when all that weight had to be handled by one arm... fuck that water! Bodie himself was chilled waist down and groaned for Ray's sake, but he just had to get his partner breathe before he could use any time for getting them the hell out of the car.

Luckily on Ray's side the roof of the car wasn't bashed. Still his door was jammed too, but Bodie didn't waste any time on it now. He hastily searched the least uncomfortable position for starting CPR, and the pressing of Ray's chest made him curse for the pain it caused again to his shoulder. He knew Ray might well have some broken ribs. "Sor-ry – mate - but - if - you - don't -start – breath' - in – fast – that – makes – no – fuck – in' – diff – 'rence" and then he wiped away the water from Ray's lips and pressed his mouth on Ray's, blowing a couple of times as long and as hard as he could, hoping the air wouldn't come too late. While getting back at the pressing he tried to think. He had no idea how long he had been knocked out before waking up, but since the car had made the last slide and fall, in reality that couldn't have been more than only a few minutes ago although it felt like an hour. How long do you survive without oxygen? Bodie tried desperately remember what the first-aid instructors had said. Surely it had to be more than mere minutes. But what he remembered clearly was the instruction: If the heart is beating, don't stop. And he wouldn't. "As – long – as – it – takes – Ray" he hissed. And he filled his lungs again, trying to will every atom of oxygen from his whole system to reach Ray's.

He didn't know how many times he had repeated the drill already when while blowing he felt a sudden resistance, and in a spasm of cough water surged into his own mouth. Ray coughed. The bloody miserable mutt was breathing! Bodie suppressed a sob, hearing his mate wail softly after the spasms of cough had subsided. That sound brought him back to reality and reminded him that Ray was hurt, maybe real bad, and he would have to get them both out from the car and water now, and quickly at that. But first he had to check if Ray was hearing him.

"Ray? Ray, mate, can you hear me?" He tapped Ray's chin as briskly as he dared.

"Sunshine, do you hear me?"

Another wail.

"Mate, I know you hurt. I'm gonna get us out, but I need you to stay quiet. Real quiet. Ray, are you listening?"

To Bodie's great relief Ray opened his eyes for a moment. "Bodie..." he murmured faintly.

"Yeah mate. Now listen. You need to be quiet. Don't try to move. Got it?"

"Bodie I can't feel me legs."

Bodie felt an iceberg settling inside his stomach.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

There was a moment of silence. Bodie looked out of the car but for a moment he really didn't see a thing. Christ... He wiped his face, taking a deep breath. No use freaking out.

"Ok. So you know what I have to do then?"

"Yeah. You'd better get going."

"Good idea. If only there was some place to go to."

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean that we're in the middle of nowhere. You dozed off sometime. We already passed that last hamlet by some 20 miles maybe so the next stop for us would've been the bloody cottage. I didn't even ask if there are neighbours staying over winter. Farmhouses or such. Or if they even have a phone..." Bodie swallowed.

Ray was silent for a moment. It was already so dark in the car that Bodie couldn't see his mate's face properly. Maybe it was only for the best.

"You've marched longer than that." The words sounded thick.

"Yeah. But I'm in no running condition. And besides, even if I managed to not pass out along the way, it would take hours. And I have no intention to leave you freeze here. You're blurring already."

"What then?"

Bodie took another deep breath and felt the cold intensify; he didn't know if he was more cold outside or inside. But practical thinking helped him to push aside the sick knowledge that he had killed his partner. Even breathing, Ray would be dead without the use of his legs.

"First thing is that I have to get you out. And I have to do it quick so I need you to stay focused. And I need you to be completely still once I see if my plan could work. Can you feel your arms?"

"I feel 'em freezing so yeah I feel 'em. And I can move 'em."

"Good. Now, I'm gonna take a peek outside. I need to crawl over you to see if I can squeeze out from there, my door is jammed and ceiling down. Stay still, I need to get the boot open."

Bodie reached for the keys and carefully tried to pass Doyle. He slipped in water a bit and felt pressing on Ray's foot. He heard Ray grunt.

"Hey careful..."

"You felt that?"

"Felt some."

Bodie felt too, felt like giving a kiss to his partner. Ray had some feeling left, hell there was still hope! Bodie's head tried to explode again and nausea swept over him, but he breathed deep and tried to focus. Ok, then out. Bodie tried to push Ray's door more open but it wouldn't budge. Bloody hell...

"Sorry mate, I try to be careful. Stay still whatever happens, absolutely still." Bodie managed to manouver his leg out first, and he squeezed himself into the slit. For a moment he thought that he would still have to use the windshield or side window after all, and risk of tramping worse on Ray and hurting his own shoulder, but hissing he managed to get his body between the door and the frame. For a second he felt he'd get stuck when he couldn't find a proper foothold, but after some muttering when his muscles worked against the stubborn piece of the vehicle, Bodie eventually fell into the river when the door's grip loosened.

Ray felt and saw his partner vanish and heard the splash. "Bodie? Bodie what happened? BODIE!" Loud spitting curses came to his ears after a moment and the injured man sighed of relief.

"I'm ok, just took a fucking dip. Almost dropped the car keys." _And hit my fucking elbow_, Bodie thought to himself. _Guess that did some more to shoulder. Good thing I didn't sprain my ankle or knock my skull again. Fucking marvellous to get drowned two secs after getting out of that fucking car._

Bodie was again shaking, with fright and anger and cold, but he forced himself to wade by the car's side towards the rear end, assessing the situation. The bank was steep and he could see the other tyre being only a foot or so into water, while at the passenger's side the bonnet was practically covered with it. But with some luck the trunk would be dry, unless some rock had come through the bottom.

After some foul words he managed to open the trunk. Good, no leaks. That meant they would have something dry to put on once they got out of here. Bodie was shivering, and knew that Ray must be much worse as he couldn't move, but at least wind didn't get to Doyle as bad. Bodie found the first-aid kit, which he to his utter joy noticed to be brand new, and also a toolbox. He opened it quickly.

"Ray?"

"Yeah?" That was faint.

"Wanna get to the boot again?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Any idea how the seats are fastened?"

Ray's blurred mind tried to figure out what the hell it was that Bodie was talking about. After a moment it started to dawn to him. "Are you serious?"

"Yepp, sunshine". Bodie was glad to hear Ray was following him. "If that damned seat just would stay in one piece, we just might get you through the boot. If the backrest here doesn't give room I rip 'em off. It's only a couple of yards to dry ground through this. And, I wouldn't need to move you so much if we get the seat off. It's either through the boot or then I have to remove the door and I don't wanna do that, mate."

Ray, who understood his situation just as well as Bodie, decided to cling to the hope Bodie offered. He listened to Bodie moving their things, probably carrying them to the bank. Ray didn't know why they had ended in the water but hell he wasn't going to die in some Scottish river or lake or whatever. The agent forced his brain to work. He had spent in cars half an eternity and fiddled under the bonnet dozens of times, changed quite a few tyres and so on, but like Bodie, it had never crossed his mind to look under the seats. He resisted the desire to turn his head to look. The hurt was subsiding, but he knew that part of it was because of hypothermia. It was getting harder and harder to think... he only wanted to close his eyes.

But he didn't.

"Bodie?"

Ray did sound definitely more blurred so it did take Bodie a second. "Say that again, mate. What was it about bobbers?"

Sheer anger gave Ray a boost. "Rails under the seats, you idiot. Rails and _stoppers_. It can't be more complicated than that. A few bolts and maybe a couple of screws. And take a belt from my bag."

Bodie wondered about that one but did as he was told and rummaged quickly through Ray's bag to find the belt.

He walked to the driver's side, threw the toolbox, first-aid kit and belt inside through the broken window, looked at the crashed door and the roof, and yanked a couple of times. There was only a slight move but nothing else.

Ray had noticed him. "Take the tyre iron, dummy. If you get with some smaller tool enough slit to get one of the heads in, use the tyre iron as a crowbar. Use your weight."

Bodie almost blushed. "Listen mate, I'm the one everybody considers a criminal. And you're the pretty boy, not supposed to give snitching tips." And although he blamed himself for missing the obvious, he was happy Ray wasn't giving in. At least not yet.

But inside the car, Ray's smile waned and his eyes shut.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Bodie started to work the door with a short sturdy screwdriver he found. Whoever had chosen the toolbox had done a good job, it was a decent one with quality stuff, not bending. He pretty soon managed to create a slit wide enough to sneak in a head of the tyre iron which was a real relief as it was almost impossible to work with his right hand. With the iron, he could use his bodyweight but still he was soon sweating with the effort.

Ray listened to the creaks and felt each yank and push in his body and could barely stay silent. He had never hurt like this. The small of his back was... he had no word for it. That pain felt like radiating everywhere. And it was hard to breathe, he could only take short shallow breaths. That he was familiar with, he knew how broken ribs felt like. But the back was worst... and the numbness in his legs. It was most frightening of all. And the cold. Although the cold felt somehow less now, and he was so very tired...

He didn't know how they had ended here... Bodie was – aside from himself – the best driver he knew. Wild though, just like he was. And Bodie knew Capris. Ok, this wasn't from their own car-pool, they had loaned it from Aberdeen where they had left Bodie's favourite to get its gearbox fixed.

Actually, Ray didn't even want to know what had happened. He felt tears burning under his lids. This was the worst. This was the worst _ever_. He knew that. What if he wouldn't be able to walk ever again? What if he would be bound into some bloody wheelchair for the rest of his crappy life? Need someone to change his diapers? What if he would have this pain for ever?

Ray bit his lip so hard it started to bleed. Hate rushed through him violently. If Bodie had done something to cause this crash... he would fucking kill that bastard. In every way he only knew.

Rage had made Ray to breathe faster and the pain it induced made a groan escape. Bodie heard that and with a last mighty effort managed to force the battered door open. He tried to peer at Ray's face.

"Ray? Hey mate, are you with me?"

The unintentional irony in Bodie's question made Ray hiss. "Oh yeah mate, I'm so _very much_ with you."

Bodie felt his stomach become a tight knot. He heard the bitterness in that almost inaudible voice. The hate.

He swallowed. He had known this might be coming but he had hoped it would at least have waited until they were somewhere safe. And Bodie knew that right now anything he would say might make things only worse. Good God how it hurt... He dared to try and look into Ray's eyes but his partner kept them shut. Yet he saw a weak reflection of light and knew it was a tear.

Bodie felt coldness settling into himself. Ok. This was it then. This was something that Ray would never forgive him. And something he would never be able to forgive himself. There was nothing he could say.

And there was nothing else to do but to get his future ex partner safe.

Better get on with it then.

"Ok mate. Whaddya reckon, will it be quicker to detach the rails from the floor, or free the seat from the rails?"

Ray forced himself to be polite. "Check the rails, s'pose it's easier to dislocate the seat from 'em."

There was enough light for Bodie to see Ray was right. If he only had matching tools... Yepp. Worth the try, there would only be so little room for his hand, and he would have to work his hand under water. Bodie used a couple of minutes to feel his way under the seat on driver's side, so that he would know what to search. Once he was confident he knew the positions, he quickly turned down the backrests of the backseat. Yeah, there should be enough room for the seat to go through.

Then it was the turn of the hard part... Bodie pushed driver's seat as far back as it went, which wasn't much, sat down, and turned himself so that he was able to start working with the fasteners of Ray's seat that were on his side.

Ray opened his eyes to watch his partner work. Bodie was hunched in a very awkward position and Ray could detect he had problems using his right hand. He also noticed dark markings on Bodie's face and chest and knew his mate had been bleeding. His head must hurt like hell. Still Bodie was working concentratedly – desperately? - only an occasional curse escaping from him, and despite his anger Ray had to admit once again that his companion had stamina.

Ray found it harder and harder to stay focused. He had started to shiver already earlier, and now the comfortable numbness seemed to calm the shaking and the pain. He felt he might almost fall asleep. It would be nice to sleep... get to some warm bed, under blankets, he so would love to have a real fireplace and watch the embers...

* * *

Splashing brought Ray back to reality.

Bodie had waded back into the river to work on the last fasteners. It wasn't easy as he couldn't see into the water and his fingers started to get numb and the tools almost slipped from his hands a couple of times. While starting to work with the last one Bodie looked up to his quiet partner who was in water almost to his chest... and uttered a profanity that made Ray frown even through his half sleep.

"Wha'?"

"Being an imbecill." Bodie stood up and then leaned over Ray's legs to open the first-aid kit.

"Nothing new about that," muttered Ray, "but what this time?"

"Can't dislocate the seat before I fasten you, in case it falls backwards as you're leaning back so much. Should have left the other fastener last... Dammit..."

Bodie found a pair of scissors and tried them on the seatbelt. Awkward but should do. Then he looked up and down his partner and at the seat. He would need to cut the driver's belt too and how the hell would he manage to get the belts tight? And how could he immobilize Ray? He didn't yet know where the damage to Ray's back was, but nevertheless he wouldn't risk the neck. It would need to be propped...

Ray had already thought of that. He didn't want to give in, hell no... He had been guiding traffic past wrecked cars, hearing about the victims enough times to have his facts straight. So he swallowed his bitterness and fought to focus once more, although it meant leaving the ember.

"Use my scarf and then the belt for neck. Scarf first and the belt over it as many rounds as it goes all the way up and down. It's starch and broad. And use the one from my pants too if the broad one's not enough. At least you can have it go through the other one and through the headrest."

Bodie stole a peek at his partner's face. Fighter; skinny and slender-looking Ray had always been that. Sometimes Bodie had wondered which one of them in the very deepest reality was the toughest. There were not many who could manage to think that way if they were in Ray's position. Hell, there were not many who could manage to think at all...

Ray wasn't looking at him but somewhere into emptiness... Bodie didn't dare to imagine what it was that his mate was seeing. He pulled away carefully the scarf that had been hanging loose round his mate's neck. It was soaking wet.

Bodie opened the buckle of Ray's belt, pulled the belt out and went quietly round the car again and slid in. He took his own warm scarf, folded it a little, made loops and slid them carefully and gently over that curly head, pulling down so that he didn't need to lift Ray's head. Suddenly he felt blinded and had to close his eyes. God... He sighed and opened his eyes again, seeing Ray's, looking straight at his, questioning. Bodie took a deep breath and just couldn't help but touch his mate's chin with his fingertips.

"Ray... I WILL get you out from here."

And despite all the anger and pain welling inside the other agent, that simple touch reached deep. Ray responded to the one thing he knew be true.

"I know."

They looked at each other for a moment, one with agonizing pain in his body and the other, that same pain in his mind. Without a word Bodie pulled the scarf tighter and his warmth in it made Ray close his eyes. Ray felt the last loop slide over his head and Bodie's fingers pull and tuck the scarf to cover from the neck of his pullover to his chin. Then there was something sliding behind his neck and Bodie's fingers gently reaching for it from the other side... and again, and again... Ray heard occasional hisses that told him Bodie was hurt, and he heard little clicks but failed to see Bodie pulling his own belt out as the thought of Ray's own soaking wet slippery belt so against his neck felt hard to bear. Bodie attached the two belts and worked them as if they were bandage, and before tightening he threaded the third one go under them in the neck. Then, Bodie pulled the belts as tight as his mate allowed, managed to fasten the buckle, and finally with the third one, secured Ray's neck to the headrest. That should do...

Ray, who had again slipped next to his fireplace, had a startling return to reality with loud sound of something ripping.

"What the hell...?"

Bodie, who was too concentrated and gnawing at his lower lip, didn't even hear him. Working with the leather belt had given him an idea and he was now tugging at the props in the back of the seat to see if they could hold it... He was getting more nervous as he had noticed Doyle was occasionally away. And what more, he was totally aware of his own condition. His arm was getting worse by every move, and his head was trying to kill him; he knew that it wouldn't take long until he might not be able to help Ray. So he took the scissors again and pulled out the driver's seatbelt to start cutting both ends of it. He was hardly able to lift his right hand and Ray heard him grunt. In a couple of minutes Bodie was in the river again, and destroying the other belt.

After a while, drowsy Ray noticed Bodie coming in the car again, only this time he had with him their tightly rolled sleeping bags and the toolbox. Bodie had used a couple of minutes to find branches which he pushed in the middle of the rolls, to make them more rigid, before working the rolls back to their covers. It pained Bodie to think that their bags might get soaked, but they were the only items in their things that might suit as support to Ray's back. And another couple of minutes Bodie had used to pierce the ends of the belts with his Swiss army knife. It had been lot easier said than done, as the belts were weaved to endure. And that was the fact, which despite making Bodie curse bitterly just a moment ago, he relied on to get his mate out of the car without causing Ray further damage.

In the car Bodie pushed one end of the belts under the props and wires of the backrest, and then took one of the longer screwdrivers, slid it under the props, pushed the tip in and out of the holes he had made to the belt, and forced the tip again back on the outer side of the props and wires. Breathing heavily with all the effort, he pulled the belt to the side and peered at his handiwork, where he had used the screwdriver and the props as a safety pin to attach the belt... hey, bloody hell, it just might work!

Bodie didn't hesitate anymore. In a few minutes Ray found himself being totally immobilized by the safety belts, rolls fastened tightly under his arms propping his sides, Bodie cursing heavily trying to make that last fastener yield to him

And it did. That last yank to loosen the jammed seat, pushed it back and also got it off the rails and fall down against the backseat, but luckily Ray had been alert enough so he didn't get too startled, yet the cold water getting higher his chest made him gasp.

"Shit, Ray, sorry!"

Bodie bent down immediately and started to push and lift the seat backwards and upwards, towards the boot and the great outdoors. It had felt like such a fucking brilliant idea to begin with, but panting Bodie started to doubt it after the first thirty seconds of trying to manouvre the stones that were Doyle. Yet, inch by inch, he managed to move his partner. And finally Ray was away from the water.

Ray heard splashing as Bodie waded to the rear. The springs of the car creaked when Bodie sat down, still breathing heavily.

"Sorry mate, have to catch my breath, just a sec..." Trying to hold his head in one piece, Bodie looked up. It was getting too dark to really see anything, so he stood up again and walked to the other end of the car, where in short distance the banks of the river seemed to get less steep. He tried desperately to remember... there were the zigzag curves... what was it?

"Hey, Ray?" Bodie heard a silent grunt. "Can you remember, what did that fellow Duncan say about the curves, and the distance to the cabin?"

Doyle just wanted to sleep by his fireplace, it hurt a lot less. But the tree didn't let him. There was something about a tree... he muttered. Bodie came closer to hear him. "Tree", Ray managed. "In the last tight curve there's the dead tree and after that it's only downhill."

Bodie remembered now. He looked up and saw the silhouette of a big dead tree-trunk against the blackening sky. He cursed loud. "Ray, I can't fucking believe this, there's that blasted pine he talked about! We **are** in that valley, and the cursed cabin can't be farther off than only a few hundred yards!"

That knowledge filled Bodie with new hope and energy. He bent down at his partner. "Listen, Ray. I take a peek upriver, it will only take a minute. The cabin can't be far away. I'll be back in five or ten, ok?"

Ray would have wanted to say that he couldn't care less, but instead he just grunted _sod off then_. Bodie stopped for a second more, then he suddenly took off his jacket and put it over Ray. It wasn't dry but it was still warm. And without a word more Bodie took off, trying to avoid slipping.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Bodie had only walked by the river some few dozen yards when he saw that the bends were definitely less steep. He climbed up, wincing inwardly with every movement to his arm, and when he straightened his back, he more sensed than saw a building in the dark. It was only some 200-300 yards away! The relief surging through Bodie made him sway. He turned, and hastened closer to the Capri along the bank. He stopped when he almost fell in darkness. He shouted at Ray, it took a few times before he got a faint reply.

"Ray! I found the place, it's close! I go there now and check out if there's something I can use to get you easier out of there! Do you hear me Ray? I'll be back there in a few minutes, mate!"

Again Bodie turned and rushed to the cabin as fast as his pounding head allowed him.

* * *

Down in the boot of the Capri, Ray counted stars that were coming to sight. A part of him was totally indifferent and only wanted to escape the pain that had invaded him. Another part in him felt new hope – and yet another felt bitter hate. He didn't know what he wanted more, to simply die clean and quick, or to take the chance of recovery – as he knew enough of pain to know, this time that chance might be very slim indeed.

Why the hell had they decided to use their days off in Scotland? They had been dead tired after tracking and chasing the bloody separatist lunatics. The two were considered to be just the ordinary village loonies by the police and the MI5, but The Cow had got a bad feeling about the Scots duo, and in all quiet sent a couple of the Scottish agents to sniff around. Four days ago the reports stopped... Their boss hadn't wasted time, he had been on the local police's back immediately, and when he had been informed that the flat Angus and Rory had rented, was found empty and scavenged, he sent every available agent North. Including Ray and Bodie, who had been on leave in Newcastle with the girls. With their ex girls now, as Jen and Deborah hadn't been too delighted when their partners had been called to phone in the damned nightclub of their hotel... _One time too many_ seemed to be the slogan that night, phrase that both Bodie and Ray had got thrown at their faces. And thrown hard...

Since then, they hadn't got a good night's sleep. The Cow had started the man-hunt, finally getting help from the Yard and MI5, as one of IRA's operatives had been recognized at Aberdeen docks. They managed to track the gang down eventually after a tip, with ugly results. These two nutcase separatists had turned to IRA to get a bit of boost... which was their mistake as the word had leaked and the rest of the separatist groups didn't want to partake in killings. So the police got an anonymous call. For Angus the help came too late, but they had managed to get Rory out alive – barely, but still alive. The IRA -operative had wanted to play a little with Rory, who had been in Belfast for years before joining the CI5. One part of the game had been killing Angus in front of Rory. And what was the most ironic thing about it all, Rory and the terrorist had recognized each other in some damned pub... over bloody pints of stout.

Ray tried to slow down his breathing as bitterness welled in him. He and Bodie had taken part in the rescue which had gone wrong... terribly wrong. In the end Ray and Bodie had tried to cover and save two young coppers who had lost their nerves in the house.

When they had got out, and the whole bloody mess was finally over, their boss had been exceptionally generous and given them 5 days off – the ones they missed plus two extra. They had felt they didn't want to see anyone for a while. Bodie had busted the gearbox of his Capri and they had wondered what they would do, and where they could get quietly but efficiently dead drunk, without having to face anybody else. Young constable they had dragged out the house, Duncan Lennox, had overheard them talking and shyly suggested that if they really needed peace and quiet, he knew just the place...

Ray didn't know if he should laugh or cry. If he hadn't dragged that stupid Scottish arse out from the fire himself, he wouldn't be laying here.

Burst of burning pain made him wail involuntarily and he slipped into darkness.

* * *

In the darkness above, Bodie, approaching the cottage, decided his course of action. First he would go in and call for help. He knew the Army or SAS could send rescuers with helicopter, so Ray could be hoisted quite safely and rushed to a hospital in no time. All he would need to do was to keep Ray warm until the rescuers came... he would find warm blankets and stuff in the cottage and bring them to Ray. Yeah, that would be the best thing to do, he might only harm his mate trying to get him up here, and a chopper would be a lot faster than an ambulance.

Bodie took the key Duncan had given them and managed to find the keyhole. Door opened without complaints and in seconds Bodie found a switch and blinked in blinding light drilling into his brain. The cottage felt warm to his freezing face, Duncan had said his grandpa left two days ago so the place wasn't yet totally chilled. Bodie welcomed the warm breeze although the light made his head scream again.

In a moment he wanted to bang his cracking head against the wall.

The phone was dead.

It took a moment before Bodie managed to get over his disappointment. Ok... just a change of plans. He could do this. He bloody well could. If he had managed to get them into the river, he would bloody manage to get Ray out from there again. Now... first thing? Yepp, get Ray into warmth. Bodie straightened himself and turned to look around him. Fireplace, oven, at least one radiator in the living-room, what else... he peeked into a bedroom and noticed another radiator, wondered for a second how the hell those would be in a small cottage in the middle of the bloody Highland peripheria, before he remembered Duncan mentioning the grandpa was having a hip-operation. Old bones had needed extra warmth. "Something positive," muttered Bodie, dragged the other piece of apparatus to the living-room, and turned the radiators on. Then, he used another minute to make a fire into the fireplace as there was a convenient pile of firewood and also matches, sticks and paper for making the fire. Scots seemed to be practical people.

Speaking of practical... he would need light. Bodie walked into the tiny hallway and noticed not only one but two real good-ol' lanterns hanging by the door. And they even had oil! Bodie started to feel real warmth towards the unknown old man. Now he could leave one lantern burning on the bank to show where he could try and get Ray up. The dark nights he had spent in jungles and outbacks had taught him that already a mere sight of a lamp could help you to go on when you were closing on your limits. And, Bodie thought grimly, that definitely wouldn't be too far from the truth this evening.

But now he'd have to scavenge the place to find something that could help him move Ray. And a jacket. And blankets for Ray, hell something warm and quick! Bodie forced himself into action again and grabbed the quilt from the bedroom and took it by the heater to be warmed. Then he grabbed a jacket and managed to squeeze himself into it, lit one of the lanterns, disabled the lock of the door and went out to search the yard and outer buildings for a wheelbarrow or something like that. No way he would be able to carry Ray, not even if he didn't need to mind the back. He knew his arm and shoulder wouldn't take the strain of Ray's weight for longer than a moment. But as this place clearly was an old farmhouse, and there were also flowerbeds, there just might be something they had used to move dirt or things with.

A tractor... Bodie's heart took a few quick beats and he rushed towards the dark figure, but in a minute he realised it probably had been years since the ancient-looking machine had budged the last time. So he headed towards what he figured might have been an old cowshed. And ta dah! Not only was there an ordinary old wheelbarrow, but also another one they probably had moved barrels or milk with, as it was lower to the ground and had a consistent handle, two big wheels and also sort of rails to hinder the burden from slipping out. Bodie sighed of relief, that one surely would be easier and steadier to move.

He only worried for his shoulder. Would it take the strain? He would still need to haul Ray and the seat on the barrow, and drag his mate out and get into the house. If there only was some kind of harness he could use for pulling... He peeked in another door he gathered might have lead to an old stable, and right enough, what he saw was ropes and what appeared to be an ancient pony-harness. Bodie quickly inventoried the old leather straps and although they were dried they were not totally ruined, and he soon noticed he really was able to attach the straps to make an elementary harness to go over his shoulders and across his chest, he could fasten the ropes to it and be able to pull. Bodie remembered that once an American para had called him a mule, somehow that word had stucked to his mind although that guy had used many other words too until starting spitting teeth. Well, today that jerk would have been right...

Bodie estimated how much time he had used in the house and realised it must have been way over a quarter of an hour even though he hadn't tarried anywhere. He swore and pulled the barrow in the middle of the yard, and went in the cottage, grabbed a rucksack he saw, and pushed the warm quilt inside of it, lit the second lantern, went out and suddenly rushed back inside, searched for a pen and hurriedly wrote a few words on two pieces of paper that he found, before dashing off to the yard. He noticed a path going to the rough direction of the river and decided to follow it so that he might find less steep bank there.

In a few minutes there was one lantern burning by the river, and the other one radiating light and warmth and stench of oil on the deadly pale face of Ray Doyle.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Bodie's heart was in his mouth even after the green eyes finally focused on him. It had taken him a while to get Doyle awake and he cursed his thoughtlessness, he should bloody hell have tried to get Ray at least changed to dry clothes before rushing off. It was almost impossible to get anything clear out from drowsy Ray. Clearly there was not a moment more to lose...

Returning to the car he had instantly understood that the bank was so steep he would never manage to pull the barrow the first dozens of yards... And no way he would put Ray back in the water... the barrow was too low set and Bodie might drown his mate. Bodie knew he wouldn't be able to climb straight up, not even if his shoulder would let him, with Ray's weight... and even the only possible alternative made him feel nausea. But there was no other choice... Now, he had to get Ray away from the car. And he needed those eyes stay open as he wouldn't be able to see everything, by himself.

"Ok, Ray... now I really need you to stay awake." Ray barely blinked at him. Bodie needed his attention and finally got it, stroking the damp curls and warming the ice-cold face with his hands.

Doyle felt disoriented... that unexpected warmth made him look at the blue eyes and the drawn, worried, bloodstained face. Bodie didn't move his hands before he saw his mate's gaze get clearer.

"Ray, that cottage is up there. And I have a sort of wheelbarrow and I need to get you lifted on it and fastened to it. Ok?" He saw his mate was listening.

"The thing is..." Bodie swallowed. "It's probably going to hurt when I lift you. And when we get moving... It's not level ground... and I can't much use my right arm. I can't promise it goes too evenly..." He saw Ray turn his gaze away and shut his eyes for a moment.

But Ray looked back at him, finally. His quiet husky words made the listening stoic killer bite his lip to bleed. "Well... if I get paralysed, then it won't hurt anymore, will it?"

Ray's gaze chilled Bodie when he finally was able to force himself meet the green eyes again, it was so... steady. So beyond any emotion... "Guess so" Bodie whispered.

He took a deep breath and tasted the metal in his mouth. Funny enough, that brought him back fighting and Ray saw the all-too-familiar dark sternness return into that bruised face. The ex-mercenary stretched his neck and filled his lungs to their limit, looked up to the starry sky and down to his partner. His voice was quiet but calm, his tone so very familiar and his gaze a mixture or warmth and ice-cold determination. "The other thing, Raymond Doyle... I don't know what happened up there. But what I know, what I bloody hell KNOW is that I get you out from this hellhole."

Bodie stood up and started to pull the seat towards the barrow he had propped against rocks so that it stayed in one place, so close to the boot he barely had space to stand there. And he summoned the anger and frustration within him to help him half drag, half lift his companion, still tightly bound to the seat, on the barrow. Ray winced a couple of times with unavoidable jerks and jolts, but miraculously his panting partner managed to manouver him to his place without making him feel much worse.

Yet it came with a price. Once Ray was settled down and fastened with ropes and their belongings and covered with the quilt that still had some warmth in it, he saw the dark figure of his partner lean heavily on Capri and hold the back of his hand against his mouth.

It took several seconds before Bodie straightened up again. Nausea almost had got the better of him, and he didn't dare to tell Ray how wobbly he felt. He went to his own rucksack and pulled out one of the bottles of whisky he had carefully tucked inside his clothes. He managed to open it and gave first his mate a tiny sip. He didn't dare to let Ray drink more than that but he knew they both needed a little boost, and he allowed himself only two swallows, before, to his mate's surprise, pouring the precious liquid into the river.

Ray's astonishment grew even greater when his partner pulled out another Glenfiddich and emptied that too into the river.

"What the hell?"

"Hi-Tech" was the only reply he got.

Bodie pulled from his pocket the pieces of paper he had tucked there and put one into each of the bottles, closed the corks as tightly as he ever could and tossed both bottles carefully into the river, hoping that in this time of the world there still would be curious kids getting into places where they were not supposed to be... or some fishing maniac outside the season... probably the bottles would sink or break before the first bend anyway, or float into the sea after a few months... but at least he had tried.

Ray's eyes widened when he saw Bodie arduously pulling on himself something that looked like some makeshift weird harness. Bodie tucked his rucksack into the barrow, then managed to get the lantern hang from the handrail uncomfortably close to Ray's curls. He took another piece of rope, tied it to the siderail and left it loose on Ray, before pushing the barrow so that it was roughly on the side of the Capri, and turned it so that Ray faced up river. While turning the barrow Bodie simultaneously lifted the river's side of it by taking the rope he had tied, on his shoulder, and taking the wheel with his good arm. His face in the lamplight was almost as pale as his mate's but his eyes were steady when he looked down at Ray.

"All right... Keep focused. I need your eyes as I can't lift with my other side and I don't trust the belts enough to let you hang on them. Warn me as much as you can if there's something behind my heels. 30, 40 yards maybe and it gets better. Hang on with me till that and stay awake, and I manage the rest."

Then he pulled slowly to see how much force he would need to keep the barrow coming by his side, and tried to balance it with the rope and his barely functioning other arm.

"Let's go, lover... fireplace and bedclothes are waiting. Chicks at some later point, though." Two pairs of grim eyes met each other and Ray saw once again those tried muscles starting to work to make the impossible happen.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

'Fireplace and bedclothes'... goddamit. And GODDAMIT how it hurt! Every pebble on the bank hit right into Ray's spine. He wasn't able to see very close so he soon learned to watch the swinging border of darkness behind silent Bodie who carefully half carried, half pulled the barrow backwards. For a while all that could be heard was the rattle of the wheel and scraping of the stands against the ground, Bodie's breathing and Ray's occasional short warnings on stones or holes approaching from darkness and orders to step more right in the bank as it curved a little. Now he wanted answers from Bodie; what had happened, why the fucking car ended into the river, how the hell the already almost staggering partner of his planned to get him in that fucking cottage, what would happen if... but none of that got out onto his lips. Not now. He was full of sizzling anger and pain but his head was clear enough for him to control it. He saw the sweat on Bodie's pale face and knew his mate had shut everything else but this riverbank outside his consciousness simply because it was all that mattered, because there was no energy left to tackle with anything unnecessary. Ray knew that some women said men had tubular brains and if they only knew Bodie now, his world being like two yards wide and 4 yards long ... Despite the pain a chuckle escaped, followed by a groan and the movement stopped instantly.

"Just go on, it was nothing."

Bodie hesitated and Ray saw he was bleeding again and trying to blink the blood away from his eye.

"Go on now, never mind a little wince." Ray saw his mate's jaw tighten so he quickly continued. "I mean it, Bodie. Don't waste time now but just bloody get us out from here as fast as you can. And don't stop with every bloody wince I let out. I just hurt, ok? I tell you to stop if I need you to." Ray was out of breath.

Bodie's tired mind knew his mate must have broken ribs but there was nothing he could do before they got in the cabin. "Worse?" he grunted, making the barrow move again.

"Nah. Not really. Hey, there's a curve coming, see?"

Bodie peered carefully over his shoulder and corrected his route. Good... if he remembered right, after that the bottom of the bend would get more level and he could get to pulling for the last legs. Maybe it would help him to keep his head on his shoulders. Or at least keep his shoulders.

"Stones, careful..."

They had made it to the bend.

Bodie moved one step at the time, searching for foothold and room for the barrow, partially wading in the water. He was breathing heavily and Ray kept a worried eye on him, until he noticed it. "Keep your eyes on the ground," Bodie growled.

Finally they were behind the bend, and Ray saw a tiny dot of light ahead. "Oi, there's something, a light?"

Bodie grinned despite his weariness. "Yeah, there should be, left a lamp to mark our landing-point." He felt relieved, especially so as now the ground under his feet was a lot more level. He could finally turn the barrow and start pulling. So he stopped and left the rope down his aching shoulder where it had supported a big part of the combined weight of his mate, their luggage and the barrow, and pushed the barrow a little further to level ground

When he bent down to take the rope loose from siderail, he felt his head spin. "Oh, shite..." He managed to stay on his feet and noticed Ray staring at him. "Almost slipped" he lied. "Bloody stones." He took hold on to the wheel for support with his good hand and managed to tug open one knot. His dizziness eased a little and he managed the other knot without support.

"You've been some regular boy-scout" Ray grimaced at him.

It took a moment before Bodie got it and chuckled. "Yeah... the golden boy of Baden-Powell." Although good old BP would probably have got a pink fit if he knew what kind of scouting Bodie had done. Anyway Ray had kept alert, although Bodie saw clearly his mate was not doing well. Ray wasn't too sensitive to pain, hell he had taken more blows and hits and cuts than half any bloody army regiment, but Bodie had never seen him quite like this and he had to ask himself how much did it take from his mate to stay conscious... but maybe the cold fought the pain, and vice versa.

He'd better get moving again before he himself would drop for good.

"Ok mate, we put a stop to this feet first -business. I turn this wagon of yours now and start pulling it. We can move a lot faster but I can't deal with the jolts from this on, can you take that?"

"Can **you** take the pulling?" asked Ray back.

"Yeah. I can. Because we don't have any bloody alternative."

Ray looked up to that bruised, blooded, pale, wet face. "Go on then" was all he said, and Bodie moved to take the handrail and started to work to turn the barrow. And when he got it done, he managed to slide the rope under the leather straps of his harness behind his back, and tied both ends of the rope to the handrail.

"Ready?"

_'We don't have any alternative_' still rang in Ray's head. _We_. Said as the most natural word in the whole fucking world. _We_. Not _you_.

"Ready."


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Ray made it to the lantern. Cursing often, wailing occasionally. But he didn't ask Bodie to stop, ever. Those minutes were days and the pain blocked all the other thoughts from his head, just the need for it to be over soon, to stop, to go away. Bodie heard him... and didn't know what was the worst to bear, the wails or the silences after them. But he fixed his consciousness into the lantern which approached slowly and steadily, and into the ground before his feet. It was only steps, one after another... nothing more complicated than that... Dizziness came and went, and came again but somehow he managed to stay on his feet. And the lantern approached, step by step, yard by yard, until finally it was close enough to be grabbed in his good hand.

Bodie forced himself to turn and step beside his partner. Ray was so pale... deadly pale. But he fixed his eyes on Bodie's.

"Say goodbye to the river... next stop the house."

Ray couldn't make himself to speak, but his gaze softened a little and he blinked.

Bodie took another deep breath and moved ahead again, turned the barrow and started to follow the path, his gaze fixed on the lights gleaming out from the windows of the cottage... He knew he was fading, and fading fast, but the sight of those lights made him to push his weight against his harness and take that step, and the next one, and the one after that, and his head down he was truly like a mule, determined and headstrong, every muscle forcing his load to rise closer and closer to the doorway he knew be waiting...

… and he reached it, finally, swaying on his feet, puffing and gasping.

Bodie stared at the doorframe... pitifully bloody narrow. How the hell he could... Desperation filled his mind for a second.

He stood still for a moment, catching his breath and trying to make his thoughts clearer. Ok one thing at the time... how about starting with opening the door...

Ray felt a distinct warmth come out and forced his eyes open. He noticed they were on a farmyard and from faint noises realised Bodie was trying to get rid of his harness. Then Bodie appeared into Ray's sight, tugging open the knots of ropes he had used to secure Ray's seat into the barrow, and taking one by one their belongings. Ray heard his mate go in and stop there for a moment before moving again. Ray almost yelled at him, but at the last moment realised Bodie was trying to find a way to help him in, and snapped his mouth shut. He heard something being dragged and Bodie finally appeared again, with an apologetic expression.

"Sorry mate, can't drive your car in. I need to get you down with your seat and pull you. And that will probably hurt too but maybe a mattress helps to take the worst."

And so Bodie started the arduous, painful task of getting Ray off the barrow. The rails which had helped to get Ray safely fastened were now of course the worst obstacles and everything got stuck in them. Bodie didn't know where he found the strength and the energy, he was at times blinded and at times had to rest on his knees, but in a few minutes swearing and groaning Ray, still on his seat, was lying on an old mattress which Bodie had mercilessly grabbed from the bedroom, and somehow, bloody hell, somehow Bodie still found enough... something, to eventually find both himself and Ray in front of the fireplace where merry flames flickered.

They just breathed for a while, inhaling the blessed warmth, before Ray had the sense to mutter "Go shut the door, Bodie."

And that man who was known to be ruthless and cold, wiped his teary eyes, staggered on his feet, and went to shut the night away.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Bodie stayed away from Ray's sight for a moment. He needed to gather himself. Bodie had dealt with many sorts of wounds and injuries... but this... god, and it was Ray... he had enough knowledge to be aware that if he made – if he already had made - one wrong move, he might ruin any chance for Ray's recovery. He might have done that already. But he had to do something... if only his head wouldn't hurt so much... It was hard to think, hard to concentrate... If only it wasn't Ray! He had nobody else, just that rugged golli, he mattered more than girls... he mattered more than anyone. Not that he would ever admit it, no...

"Bodie?"

Oh shit.

"Just a sec, Ray." Bodie tried to get his head clearer, to no avail.

But he had to return, so eventually he did that.

Ray saw straight to the door and despite his own pain, seeing approaching Bodie he now realised his mate wasn't in much better condition than he was himself. Bodie saw the fright emerge into Ray's face and suddenly realised how he must look like. He tried to sound cheerful.

"Kinda think this jacket is pretty much ruined, or should I use it at work? Giving the street credibility they talk about, eh?" Bodie managed to get the jacket off and searched for the first-aid kit he had packed in their belongings.

"Your head..."

"Oi, never mind that. It looks worse than it is. Just got knocked, and cut a bit. It isn't that bad. I'll deal with it once I've got you sorted out, mate. But we need warm water... and a bit of this and that... but you need warmth first. Just a sec..."

Bodie had managed to set his brain into practical again. Simple things... He moved the electric radiators closer to Ray, then walked into the kitchen, found a big kettle in seconds and filled it with water and put the kettle on a gas-stove. He washed his hands as well as he could, and tried to get rid of most blood on his face. Washing his face he realised how much he still froze and it hit him he had to get Ray changed into dry clothes, or at least get his wet ones off. And he had to try and check Ray... oh Christ...

_Ok Bodie, calm down_... one thing at the time... his head was spinning again but he breathed deep and promised himself to sit down once Ray was settled. But he had no time to lose... If only his head wouldn't hurt so much... Painkillers. Duncan said the old man had a bad hip so there might be some heavy duty painkillers if they were lucky...

Bodie set off to explore and his rummaging through cupboards and closets made shivering Ray open his eyes again from his half-doze. Bodie didn't find medicine in kitchen, but he found good scissors which he grabbed, and tea which made him use 15 secs to fill another kettle and get it on too. Next Bodie went into the bedroom and checked the drawers... oh la la! His fingers trembled when he grabbed the box he found... He rushed back to the living-room.

"Ok mate, this is starting to look a bit brighter. The old bugger has this... Indo-something and it reads painkiller... Just a sec..." Bodie had grabbed a mug of water but instantly when returning, realised Ray couldn't drink lying on his back that way, yet would it hurt more if he lifted the headrest? Oh bloody hell...

Bodie took a couple pieces of firewood and managed to sneak them under the headrest so it rose some inches from the mattress. "Still all right mate?" The flash in Ray's eyes told him that it would maybe never be _all right _again, but the curlyhead just grunted.

Bodie checked the dosage of the painkiller and instantly decided to double it. "Ok, here goes, take these first and I'll start to get those wet clothes off you, and check on you, and then we're going to have a nice cup of tea and some of that stuff we took with us and I'll look around a bit more. Oi, hey I think I saw straws in the kitchen... hold on..." Bodie rushed back to the kitchen where their tea-water was already boiling, and quickly set the tea to brew. And right, yeah there were straws deep in a cupboard behind cookies and sugar, probably left from some visiting kids. Those gave Bodie another idea, but it would have to wait until he was finished with Ray otherwise, so he took a straw with him to living-room, and served gently and carefully the tablets to his mate with water.

"Right-o, Raimondo... now we get rid of those wet clothes of yours. I try to be as careful as ever possible... I just go and get another quilt for you or something like that." Off to bedroom it was again, where he found another big, lovely quilt in a closet. The aroma of tea tickled Bodie's nose so he threw the quilt into the living-room and made quickly a mug of tea for his partner. At least Ray would get something warm inside. Oh and a lot of sugar...

Bodie left the mug beside the mattress until he got started with undressing his partner. With a lot of swearing he managed to push his hand under the backrest and pull loose the screwdrivers so that he got the seatbelts loose. Bloody hell he should have thought about it earlier... Then he started to pull Ray's boots. It proved to be difficult, the wet and slippery boots were as if glued and it was hard to work with them. But after a couple of minutes the first boot was tossed into corner and soon after that it's partner too. Then flew the socks and Bodie quickly brushed his mate's feet with a dry corner of the quilt he had had on him, and served Ray the tea while pondering how he would tackle the rest of clothing without moving his partner. Ray wasn't lying flat on his back but the lower part of the seat held his thighs a little upwards. It crossed Bodie's mind that it might hinder some circulation to Ray's calves and he started to wonder what he could do about it. He sighed. Better continue again.

Ray had thankfully swallowed the strong, sweet tea, it felt so good... so warm. He watched his silent partner and suddenly found it... overwhelming... to be so helpless, so at Bodie's mercy... His eyes filled with fear.

Bodie, unbuttoning Ray's eternal jeans, heard his friend's breathing change and looked at him. Ray avoided his gaze but Bodie saw enough to understand. He pursed his lips for a moment and then suddenly pinched Ray's toe as hard as he could. Ray's foot flinched a bit.

"What the hell you think you're doing?"

"Checking on you, sunshine." Bodie continued to work with Ray's jeans and touched Ray's foot again when his mate was not watching. Slight tickling seemed to cause no reaction but at least there was some feeling left... he would continue with it later. "Now Ray, here starts the part some of the guys would love to hear about... Close your eyes, lie back and think of England."

And astonishingly, Ray, startled by the echo of a feeling in his toe, and comforted by the flickering warmth on his face, didn't say a word but sighed and succumbed to the frightening humiliation of his mate's hand starting to nudge and pull the bottom of his jeans little by little.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Chrissake... I'm a bloody..."

Ray was startled by his mate's hiss. "What?"

"This seat, what's the point in trying to get you dry if you have to lie on it as it's soaked all through? It's dripping bloody water and the mattress is soon soaked too. Mate, you'd better start thinking about it while I search for a good towel."

Ray grabbed the practical thankfully. He wanted desperately to think about anything else than his helplessness... "Planks? Boards? Shelves? If you manage to sneak one under my back when I still have my clothes on? And then somehow pull the seat from under me?"

Bodie was delighted – not only because the idea but because of his mate. There was a bookshelf, worth a try... the shelf wasn't too thick but it was solid wood and might be broad enough. "Ok mate – shall we give it a try right now?"

"What's the point in waiting?" was Ray's reply.

Bodie walked to the bookshelf and emptied one of the shelves quickly. Yepp solid wood, some 12 inches wide... he would just have to be extremely careful. Thank goodness he hadn't yet stripped his mate, the thick clothes would prevent the board from scraping too bad and Ray's jacket had a hard slippery surface.

Again Bodie felt his head spin. God he would have to be quick with it... but Ray must not slip sideways, so he would need to make sure the plank stayed level when he tried to remove the seat. The pieces of firewood would maybe help there.

Bodie didn't waste a moment more. Two minutes after Ray's suggestion he was already removing the belt he had used to secure Ray's head against headrest, and he started to stuff the shelf between Ray's jacket and the backrest, pulling Ray from his jacket every now and then. Bodie was sweating again almost instantly and Ray winced a few times, but in a couple of minutes the board was actually in its place and Ray felt he would soon suffocate as the end of the board had pushed his jacket and pullover down with it and they pressed his throat. Ray grunted but didn't give any further complaints when Bodie removed the pieces of firewood from under the backrest and put one under the board's end.

"I would appreciate you staying REALLY calm and quiet now, mate. Your weight will be the only thing holding you on that board... any bloody paramedic would kill me for even trying this. Now I have to start trying to pull the seat."

"Don't."

"Why? Do you prefer the wet seat after all?"

"No. I just meant don't try to pull the seat. You won't manage with that arm of yours without sideyanks. Push."

Bodie was puzzled. He just didn't get it. "Eh?"

"Push with your feet. Sit behind my head, you can hold the board with your hands, and push the seat with your feet. Should be more even movement that way and seat is pretty close to the end of the mattress, right? When you get it over the edge it might be easy to pull or push the rest."

Again Ray was out of breath so Bodie just clapped him briefly on the shoulder. "Good thinking, mate." He removed his cold wet booties and did as Ray had suggested, sat on the mattress behind the curly head, took a tight grip of the board, and firmly placed his heels against the backrest by Ray's shoulders.

"Ready?"

"Go on before you strangle me..."

And Bodie did. He managed to pull the board some, while pushing the seat with his feet and as he also managed to grab with his better hand hold of Ray's jacket's neck, he actually got the seat move the inches it needed, sliding under the board, over the edge of mattress, and from there Bodie managed to continue pulling carefully as Ray's weight held the shelf. And finally, in a couple of minutes Ray was free from the seat, pale and shaky, but still not complaining. And Bodie, gasping and feeling his brain would explode any minute, used the last of his strength to pull his mate further on the board so that Ray's feet also got on the mattress, with a pillow from the settee under his hams; then to pull the shelf itself away from under his mate. Bodie swallowed a couple of the painkillers and the last water from the mug, and although he knew he should have some rest, he didn't dare to sit or lay down, fearing he wouldn't get up again.

* * *

"Ok mate, now it's off with yer clothes finally. No more foreplay."

Green eyes were watching him. "I manage. Rest."

"Not bloody likely. It's not that warm here. And I want to do it when I still can. Can't guarantee that later."

"Bodie -"

Alarmed Ray was interrupted: "Shut up mate. Just shut up. It's only minutes, I rest after that." And Bodie lowered himself on his knees beside his mate.

It was tricky, to try and get Ray's jeans down, them being tight, soaked and Ray's weight on them. Bodie simply didn't dare to lift his mate anymore... so all he could do was to try little by little by little, his fingers getting soon tired and numb. But there was no choice, the pants had to get off, the room was not warm enough to maintain the body-temperature of his already hypothermiac mate.

It took quite a while before Bodie managed to pull the waist of the jeans over the hips and he was already so frustrated that he decided to go for the underpants at the same time. Luckily they were a lot more flexible. When the worst was thus over, it wasn't that hard to manage the rest of the journey. Bodie felt embarassed... not because of nudity of his mate, but because of the whole situation, because he felt that he might break Ray, who suddenly seemed... so absolutely helpless... fragile.

Ray didn't know what was the worst... the humiliation he had suffered when Bodie started to undress him, or the tenderness of his mate carefully rubbing him dry with a big towel he had dug out from somewhere.

Then Bodie gently covered Ray's lower part with the clean warm quilt which had been hanging over a radiator, and moved to ease Ray's arms from the sleeves of his jacket and likewise he managed to do the same with the pullover. The jacket slid easily enough from under Ray, but the neck of the pullover was so unco-operative that finally swearing Bodie grabbed the scissors and slashed the pullover open before being able to pull it away. And he was so tired and angry that he did the same to Ray's vest despite his mate's complaints.

After he had thrown the now useless piece of fabric away, Bodie forced himself to calm down. "Sorry 'bout that..."

Ray didn't have time to open his mouth as Bodie gestured him to stay quiet, and rubbed him thoroughly dry, carefully checking the bruises and fingering his ribs. At least two broken ribs... "How bad does it feel? Can you breathe properly?"

"Been worse, nothing punctured I think. Just need to breathe careful".

Bodie was content, he trusted his mate's experience in that matter. "Good... hard to try and bind them. Still feeling arms and fingers and such?"

"Could bang yer head if you want to test," came the instant reply, and a corner of Bodie's mouth twitched.

"Neck?" asked Bodie feeling about Ray's stomach-area.

"Definitely not there... " Bodie was forced to chuckle. "Hurts but is better since the support."

Bodie continued to probe and frowned. "What about this?" Ray felt the pressure and swore. Bodie sighed. "All right, mate, it's better we sort this out now before I try to get pants back on you." He went to search the things he would need, and blushing Ray Doyle shut his eyes tightly, the soon commencing ultimate humiliation starting to swell in his mind.

Bodie decided to take a look on the other drawers he hadn't checked in the bedroom, and soon pained Ray heard his whistle and an awe-filled "Oh bloody hell..."

Bodie emerged back to the door, carrying something in his hands. "You're so not gonna believe this, mate. This is something absolutely unbelievable. You know, when we get out from here we'd better buy that old chum Duncan's grandpa a box of whisky. Big box. Or a whole bloody barrell while we're at it... that stingy Scot... "

To his amazement Ray saw an actual broad grin on his mate's face. "Oi, have you found his life's savings or what? A million quids?"

"Even better, old son, even better... from this on I never complain about those oldsters who hoard everything they ever get in their hands... believe me mate, that old man saved you from a LOT of pain... " Bodie had left the box on the table and went into the kitchen, having something in his hand. Ray didn't see what it was but had the very uncomfortable feeling he would find out all too soon.

And so he did.

When Bodie returned, Ray saw not only canisters in his hand, but also a thin tube that he recognized instantly. "Oh chrissake..."

Bodie looked at him sternly. "You'd better be thankful, Raymond. At least this is something that has been made to that purpose. I guarantee you wouldn't have liked any alternatives I might have found here, like those straws... besides, this looked like it hasn't been used, just taken out the package, but I sterilized it anyway."

Ray was miserable. "Can't it at least wait?"

Bodie felt a pang of pity being forced to add even this to the misery his mate was in. "No." He sighed. "Listen mate, nobody's coming here tonight. And your bladder is full already. If I do it now, you manage well overnight. I may not be able to move you, if... you know... " Ray knew. If he would wet himself.

Bodie sighed again. "And to be honest, I don't know if I'll be able to do this anymore tonight if we wait too long." They looked at each other in silence, each worried sick over the other.

Ray gave up. "You know how it's done then?"

"I've been taught how, and I've done it before in the bushes... been done to me too, you know that. So no worries mate, nurse Bodie at your service."

"That nurse 'd better nurse himself too and rather sooner than later," Ray grunted.

Bodie's mouth tightened. He was going through the tubes, jars and bottles he had found and decided to ignore Ray's remark. He needed to find some sort of lubricant... There was also a box with tablets... he took out the paper from the box and gave it a glance. Dexamethasone... for rheumatoid arthritis... anti-inflammatory... he tossed the paper on Ray's chest. "Take a look, could this be useful?" At least reading might help keeping Ray's mind occupied the next minutes... Bodie went to fetch the clean pure warm water and towel he had reserved for cleaning Ray and returning, pulled the quilt down and started to tend to his partner.

Ray tried in vain to concentrate on the paper while his partner took care of the humiliating process. It wasn't so much the physical discomfort, that was nothing compared with what he had experienced with his back before the painkiller had started to take the worst edge... or even the process itself, Ray had been hospitalized enough times to have it done to him before... but this was no hospital, and it was not a nurse paid for it... It was... Ray felt like suffocating.

"Just relax" came the quiet, matter-of-factly note from his mate who was now totally concentrated on the medical.

Ray tried to breathe evenly and let go of his anxiety. He thought about his mate. He didn't know anyone else, who after all this time - after all these years, tens of thousands of hours spent together, working, fooling around, relaxing in some bar or fighting for their lives, hell, more time than most ever spent with their wives - still could surprise him. He knew his mate so well, and yet, like this evening, Bodie had pulled out skills he never could have anticipated...

He stole a peek at his mate who was following what was happening in the transparent plastic tube. Ray's humiliation took over. "Chrissake, Bodie, do you really have to watch it?"

Bodie looked at him, surprised. "Actually, yes. Need to see if there's blood." And he turned his head back as he had said the most natural thing in the world.

Ray stared at his mate's head, wordless.

"The back any better?" Bodie asked without turning his attention from the immediate.

"A bit, pills are starting to kick in."

"Thought so, you look a tad better. Got any sense out of that paper?"

Ray lifted it again in front of his eyes and tried to get through the medical jargon. "Something about reducing the swelling here... yeah, I s'pose if it works that way, it might help with the spinal cord... "

Bodie thought a moment. "With a meal or to empty stomach?"

"Not hungry", grunted Ray.

"I didn't ask if you were, did I?" Bodie threw a side-glance at his mate. "We need to eat, haven't got a decent meal since... ever. Took our stuff from the car. Besides we're pretty much finished with this for now. What if I throw some more wood in the fire, take a couple of those soup-cans, and slice some bread for sandwiches? Oh and sorry mate, looks like it's time to take this out..."

Ray couldn't help but groan a couple of foul words. Clearly _that_ was a part where nerves still were functioning. Removing the tube didn't luckily feel as bad as inserting it had done.

"Yeah, I know mate, no matter how pretty the nurse, still it feels..."

Ray looked at his partner and grimaced. "Not even a blind bat could call you pretty. I won't take a bite of any food before you get changed into dry clothes and clean your face properly. That wound doesn't look good even on you. And I want to see how your ribcage looks like, and that shoulder of yours. And once we've eaten, you bloody hell lay down and quit with your stunts for today, you hear me?"

Bodie chuckled, that started to sound like Ray. "Yeah Mum..."

Staggering to his feet Bodie looked at a clock on the wall and was astonished. Hell, it was only 8 pm and felt like it could have been way past midnight! He gave the fire more food, and the pieces of firewood reminded him that Ray would maybe have it difficult to eat having his head so low, so he took another shelf from the bookcase, pulled that with the previous one under the mattress and managed to lift the end with pieces of firewood again.

"Still ok for your back?"

"Yeah, thanks... and now you bloody moron, get changed!"

"All right all right... will just take these out and put the soup on..."

Bodie found the bathroom, emptied the canisters, and flushed them along with the tube. He would have to sterilize it before next use... hope it would last in case there would be further need... Oh shite... he let out a deep, shaky sigh. Jesus. He had never felt this way... how the hell would he make it through the night?


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Ray waited to hear Bodie move and every second of silence made his worry grow. Now as his pain had subdued somewhat, and the hypothermia was giving gradually in, he was able to pay attention more and had detected the slowness in the movements of his otherwise agile partner, staggering that was now evident, and occasional tardiness of thought. He just had to get Bodie to rest... and get a good look at him. And a good talk. Ray wasn't stupid. As carefully and as efficiently as his mate was taking care of him, Ray also had noticed him taking every opportunity to get out of sight. He didn't know why, but intended to find out. He needed to find out.

"Oi, nurse?"

Bodie forced himself to straighten up. "Something the matter?"

"Not with me. You were quiet though."

Bodie cursed under his breath. "Will be there in a few." He filled his lungs to their limit and tried to ease his tension with the air he slowly let out. Ok, no way around it, he had to get on with his chores. And he had to face Ray, sooner or later.

Bodie relieved himself quickly – bloody hell he really should get dry clothes too, couldn't be much better than Ray - and went to kitchen. There was still quite some boiling water on the gas, so he took the opportunity and poured some of it in another kettle for cleaning Ray's face and hands. Might as well use some for his own head too... the rest he used for sterilizing the catheter again. After that, Bodie scrubbed his hands thoroughly. Teawater was also on, so he went to fetch Ray's mug and collected the water bowl at the same time.

Bodie left the tea brew for the both of them, while he rummaged through the food they had taken along.

"Tomato, Onion, Minestrone, Noodle?"

"Whatever you fancy".

Bodie took another tin in his hand and looked at it incredulously. "What on bloody earth... _cat-food?_"

"Well, yeah, Duncan mentioned the kitten that had gone missing when the grandpa was leaving for the hospital. I didn't know if they left food for him and thought we might..."

"You're an old softy, ya know. Cats fend for themselves." However, Bodie took that can too to be opened. He could leave some food on the plate he remembered seeing on the stairs.. oh and the barrow had better be moved too... oh and bloody hell, the lanterns, he had forgot them burning.

Hissing he managed to open the cans. Bloody arm was almost totally useless... He also quickly sliced some bread and covered the slices with cheese, plus ham for himself and tomato and sweet red pepper for Ray. He put the soup on small fire so that the aroma might give his mate some appetite.

Bodie went to the door with the cat-tin. "Will have a peek out and put out the lanterns, forgot all about them."

Bodie quickly put out the first lantern that was right outside the door. Just when he had spooned a little catfood on the saucer, the agent detected movement. Tips of ears... tip of tail?

"Oiii, kitty... you there? Come have some dinner, you little animal... come on... kitty-kitty-kitty..." Bodie let the saucer down after futile calls and went to push the barrow farther from the door. He saw from the corner of his eye a tiny figure rush to the plate and devour the contents in seconds. The tiny beast must have been starving. At the first move of the biped, the figure vanished again.

Bodie returned to the door with the second lantern and also collected the other one and the can. And just as he meant to pull the door shut after him, he noticed the kitten was just outside the door, peeking in. And looking bloody rugged and miserable.

"Come on... I don't intend to stand here all night, you know."

"Who're you talking to?"

"Looks like we got company. If this sorry little animal would care to drag its bum inside, that is. Or then I just leave more food out."

Ray protested immediately. "You can't leave 'im out! It's bloody cold there."

"Listen, it'll soon be bloody cold in here too if I keep this door open much longer!"

Ray heard the annoyed tone in his mate's voice and started to call the cat softly. Hunger, fatigue and curiosity made the tiny creature sneak in. Bodie sighed and resisted his lust to kick it. At least his soppy mate would have something to keep his mind occupied with.

The scent of soup was starting to tickle Bodie's tastebuds but he remembered his promise to Ray. And his mate had better to get some more clothing too... Bodie stirred the kettle, turned the flame even smaller, and got back to the living-room, starting to look for clothes. He considered getting another pullover for Ray, but thinking of the effort it would take to put it on, he just decided to tuck his mate better under the quilts until he would find something easier to dress on and settled on long underpants for the time being. Ray's legs would need to be kept as warm as possible. That reminded him... he went to bedroom to grab the woollen socks he had seen in one closet, and took the bathing water and tissue-paper he had found.

"Ok, let's put some more clothes on you, or the kitty will start to think we have something x-rated in mind. Where's the little monster anyway?"

"Probably hiding under the settee, at least that's where he seemed to be heading."

Ray quietly tolerated yet another humiliation, having his partner pulling his pants up, and to Ray's amazement, Bodie also started to wipe his face and hands with wet paper.

"Thought it might be nicer to eat if you feel a bit cleaner." Bodie quickly dried his mate where he had wiped him and pulled the quilt over his mate's skinny but muscular chest.

"Right, Bodie, don't try and sneak away, it's your turn now. Get changed to dry clothes and let me see around you how many other holes there are in your hide."

Bodie yielded and started to undress. He managed to get out of his trousers and rub himself dry with the towel before getting dry underpants on, but when he tried to get rid of his blouse, he simply couldn't lift his upper arm anymore and every move to it made him wince. He finally got his arm from the sleeve, but trying to pull the blouse off with one hand looked so painstaking that Ray ordered his mate to come to his side and kneel down, and he took hold of the fabric with his other hand so that Bodie was able to pull himself out. That caused the wound in Bodie's temple to open up again so Ray told Bodie to get the first-aid kit and search for plaster, and carefully helped his mate to clean the wound and managed to get the wound's edges quite tight together before helping to plaster it. And before Bodie had time to pull off, Ray cleaned his face the same way he had done to Ray a moment earlier.

Ray's worry grew as he realised that slightest touch on Bodie's temple made the man flinch. Bloody hell... his mate should be really careful with that skull.

"Ok now, let me see..." Ray's eyes widened when he focused on the terribly bruised shoulder. "What the hell happened up there, Bodie? Did you crash with something?"

"I must have... isn't that fucking obvious? I just don't remember. I remember waking up in the car, couldn't see a thing because of that blood and I couldn't use my arm, and car, it was hanging sort of sideways, and then it slid and somersaulted down the slope..." Bodie swallowed as the horrible noise rang again in his ears. "And then we were in the river, and when I got the blood away you were face down in the water and... and I pulled you up and you were not breathing... it took me some minutes... eternity..."

Ray looked at his mate with undecipherable expression. "So... you resuscitated me?"

"Yeah." Bodie was again in that car, his eyes tightly shut.

Ray looked at him, and all the anger that he had stored in himself, evaporated. Whatever had happened up there... it must have been something nobody could have stopped from happening. Raymond Doyle looked at his mate, his partner, almost jet-black hair with traces of blood, pale, drawn face with slight sweat on the brow, muscular, bruised, scratched body decorated by older scars also. That strong, cold, hard man, kneeling beside him, breathing unevenly, as if shivering. Bodie had gone through that all toil and labour as if in his stride, to get Ray in safety, and now he looked like he could shatter into pieces any second.

"Bodie?" Ray's voice was soft, almost inaudible.

"Yeah?" Bodie sounded suffocated.

"Look..." Ray cleared his throat. He had no words. He found none, no matter how hard he tried. Instead he stretched his better arm and touched his mate's, and let it stay there until Bodie looked at him. "Why don't you find another mattress or something here, you know I need to wake you up during the night to see if your brain works even the pitiful way it does usually. And then, I'd like to have some of that soup, if you don't mind. And then, you put that thick cracked skull of yours on a pillow and you won't lift it before tomorrow, all right?" Ray gave a little squeeze with his hand and then nudged his mute partner. "Get going you dumb crud. And bring a plate also to our little mate here if he's willing to join us."

Ray watched his mate stagger on his feet and both of them were thankful for the chance to wipe their eyes unnoticed.

The little thin kitten watched intensively when Bodie soon emerged dragging another mattress and bedclothes, and then returned from kitchen carrying carefully a tray with a kettle and plates and mugs and a pile of sandwiches. The scents of soup and ham caught the tiny nose which emerged from under the sofa, and uttering a mild profanity Bodie returned to kitchen to fetch the saucer he had already filled with catfood.

Ray took his pills and they had their meal in silence which this time was comfortable. The little kitten crawled carefully closer and emptied his saucer in no time he too. After Bodie had taken the towel he had used as Ray's napkin, taken their dishes to kitchen and quickly washed them, and tossed a couple of more pieces of firewood into the fireplace, and taken the alarm-clock Ray insisted be put on at 2 am, he finally laid himself down and turned to his side to watch Ray.

Bodie wasn't sleepy, just feeling totally worn out, so he followed with great interest how the sorry-looking kitten, all ears and thin tail, made Ray's aquaintance. When the kitty got himself on Ray's mattress, Bodie almost chased him away, but Ray stopped him. To his astonishment, Bodie saw the little creature very gently and carefully examine his partner, clearly aware Ray was hurt, before turning attention to him. And both Bodie and Ray, who saw it from the corner of his eye, felt their eyes get moist when tiny paws pressed gently against Bodie's cheek, and the purring little creature started to tenderly clean the blood from Bodie's short hair.

Ray watched from the corner of his eye how the tiny tabby systematically and meticulously cleaned and groomed the hair on his mate's temple, occasionally stopping for a second to sniff. It was fascinating... it really looked like as if the kitty was assessing the damage, knowing there was hurt... and that constant purring, it was such a soothing sound... Bodie's eyes were still open but he was quiet, as if being somewhere else, tension gradually fading from his face. Ray felt amused, as his mate had never much cared about any kinds of "flea-bags" and usually that feeling had been mutual. Or not amused really... oddly moved he was. This little thin feline had sneaked through Bodie's defences and here that thug was, head resting on his arm, seemingly ignorant of the world around him, although one little paw was resting against the side of his nose at the moment. Impressive.

Ray noticed both gray and blue eyes turn to watch him. "What?" Even the kitty looked at him very sternly, interrupted in mid-lick, tip of his tongue visible, sitting down on his bum like those prairie-dogs.

"What what?" Ray frowned.

"Impressive, you said. What is?" Bodie still hadn't moved his head and the kitty just lightly shifted his paw on the bridge of his nose, still watching Ray as if waiting for the answer he too.

Ray didn't want to spoil this unusual moment between his mate and the tiny tabby, so he said the first thing that crossed his mind. "Well, look how tiny that fella is, and still he has managed all by himself for a few days now. He should still be nursed by mama and not try to fend for 'imself."

"All skin an' bone he is," admitted Bodie, "bet he would fly in the air with a paper bag to his tail."

Kitty looked at him, and then all of a sudden went to Ray and pushed Ray's cheek with his head, purring loudly. "Oi mate, that rogue didn't mean the bag-thing... Say it to him, Bodie!"

Bodie only snorted, half amused, half hurt for this sudden rejection, and the kitty watched him while rubbing himself against Ray. "He's not that bad for a cat," Bodie finally said. Kitty looked at him, and decided to return to finish with the cleaning.

"Makes you wonder what moves in his 'ead," said Ray, smiling.

Bodie snorted again, but tiny warm rough tongue had already started to work its charm. "He's a bit like you, you know... rugged and skinny and should be nursed by mama."

Bodie couldn't believe just what had slipped out his mouth, and wanted to bite his tongue.

Ray was quiet for a while. The reality of his situation had returned in a blow.

Bodie watched him and tried to guess what was going on in that curly head.

"Do I have to be nursed? I mean... like for ever?"

Bodie sighed and thought a while. If only he knew... "Dunno mate. Wish I knew... I guess it depends. On what has happened in there, and what kind of damage there is... but folks get back on their feet, many of them. Anyway I know it's a bloody good sign you still have some feeling in your feet. It's far from hopeless, mate, believe me. And you know, today docs can fix things 10 years ago nobody could imagine fixing. You're stable now as far as I can tell, no internal bleedings, and you're on meds, good fitting stuff what I know of those, and you're not alone and I can help you with things so you can stay immobile with no worries."

"I just so hate it..." Ray swallowed. "Being... helpless."

"Who wouldn't?" said Bodie sensibly. "But right now there's not so much you can do about it. Take it this way: This only lasts for a couple of days at most, before that Duncan comes to check why we haven't got him the keys back, and why he can't reach us. I can keep you pretty much stable till that if for some reason I can't go get help myself. Then there's going to be a chopper rushing you into some state of the art fancy hospital and it's day at the time... we can't rush things."

Bodie fell silent for a moment which felt longer than it was. "If it's of any worth, mate... Whatever it was that happened, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking _sorry_..." He closed his eyes. "I know it doesn't make any bloody difference..." Not even the kitty was able to take that pain away from his mind.

Bodie felt something touch him but he couldn't force himself to open his burning eyes. Ray had managed to reach for him, and find his hand. He stubbornly held on even though Bodie tried to pull away.

"Listen Bodie... sorry I growled at you in the car. It hurt like hell there... and anyway, whatever there was on the road, I kinda think anybody would have crashed. If you couldn't dodge with a Capri, pretty much nobody could have." Ray was out of breath again and the kitty came to study him. Bodie opened his eyes finally but averted Ray's gaze. "What I mean, mate, you don't have to apologize for anything. I live, Bodie. If I had somebody else with me, I wouldn't."

Ray fell silent for a moment too, trying to catch his breath.

"It's just so scary, Bodie... to think, what if..." he couldn't continue.

"Don't think about it then, not yet, not too much" said his mate's quiet voice. "Take one day at the time. No use losing hope now. Anything can happen. It could be worse, a lot worse... I know that much. Have seen things." _Yeah, have seen you face down in water, not breathing. Could be a lot worse_. Bodie nudged his mate's hand. "We're here and still kicking."

Tabby finally got satisfied with the quality of grooming he had performed, and settled between the lads, trying to reach them both at the same time, twisting and turning.

"You too are kicking, animal. Go wash Ray's face for a change, dummy."

Bodie noticed that he was still practically holding Ray's hand. Ray didn't seem to notice, the kitty who had turned his attention to him, had already hypnotised him. Oh never mind, the arm hurt so much he didn't want to shift it.

Bodie let the purring seep into his mind and closed his eyes.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The little tabby enjoyed himself. These bipeds were calm and friendly, and warm. They were hurt though. It was good to have company, good to be warm, good to have something in his tummy. He could smell the hurts under bipeds' thin skins and he tried to be most careful. It was good to be touched and he gladly touched too, telling with his purring and gentle care that he was friendly and wanted to be a part of this group. Hurt as these two were, there was no smell of illness and these were hunters and had allowed him to have a share. He desperately needed the nutrition and the feeling of safety... so he did all he could to be accepted by these strangers. He knew that the one with wounds was more dangerous and he should make sure he was accepted by him. The one with breaks under skin and less breath, didn't move as much, but he talked with a friendly voice and he belonged to the same group with the bleeding one, and the two liked each other, so the kitty should make friends with him too. It looked like the bleeding one was helping the broken one but also the broken one tried to make the bleeding one feel better. It was a good group.

Tabby had lost a lot of energy trying to make himself accepted. He started to feel weak, and quietly pulled back from Ray who suddenly woke back to reality when the licking stopped. Ray saw the kitty crouch and half shut his eyes. When kitty noticed he was being watched, he tried to purr as hard as he ever could.

"Hey little one... what's the matter?"

Bodie opened his eyes from his half-doze. "What, what's the matter with whom?"

"The kitty... look at him. He's not doing well, looks like he's shaking."

Bodie noticed Ray was right. He frowned. "Oh bloody hell, what can be the matter with him? I'm not any damned veterinarian."

Ray thought. "Well... he's tiny. And he definitely looks very young. He should be on milk, more or less, in that age. He hasn't eaten for a couple of days, and it's been cold out there... and maybe he hasn't got enough to drink either." Again Ray was out of breath.

Bodie watched the kitten. He didn't look ill really, was following their movements with clear eyes, but he certainly looked worn out and weak. Against his better knowledge Bodie moved his hand to touch the kitty and rubbed him gently with one finger. Kitten's skin felt loose in a funny way, and when Bodie gently rubbed his neck and pinched him a little, a fold of skin was left up for a moment. Bodie didn't know the first thing about cats and didn't care to either, but even for him that looked strange. "Jesus... Ray, should their skin stay standing up when you pinch it?"

Ray looked worried. He hadn't had pets since his childhood, but that didn't sound good. "Maybe he's dehydrated. Can't much imagine him going to drink from the river and if he hasn't got mice he hasn't got fluids in his food either."

Bodie sighed. "I knew I should have kicked that miserable rodent down the bloody stairs." He sounded so annoyed that Ray couldn't know what his mate might do.

"Bode, -"

"Oh be quiet..." growled Bodie, painfully and slowly hoisting himself up from the mattress. Now Ray realised that his mate's other shoulder had a red, seemingly very irritated patch. That rope – and Ray's weight on it – must have almost excoriated the skin of his mate even under the clothing. And what it had done to the muscles under the skin, Ray didn't even dare to imagine. So Ray kept quiet and decided to stay so, whatever it was that his mate had in his mind.

Bodie made it to his knees and grabbed the startled kitten in his hand before getting on his feet. "Get here you little nuisance..."

He headed away from Ray, so Ray wasn't able to see how carefully his mate secured the kitty against his chest. Although Bodie's first reaction had been a flash of anger, to feel that tiny, almost weightless little animal in his hand and the rapid heartbeat against his fingers, made the anger disappear just as quickly. Hell it wasn't the tabby's fault he had got into his mess, kitten only... Bodie took the kitty into the kitchen and left him on a table when he filled a small cup with water. The kitty didn't really seem to know what to do about it... oh bugger... "Oh you little miserable pest, this is water and you're bloody supposed to drink it!" Bodie thought for a moment he would simply push the kitten's face into the water but that pitiful purring stopped him. Without further ado, he simply put his finger into the water and lifted it dripping in front of kitty's nose. After a moment of wondering, tabby licked the finger. Bodie dipped his finger again, and again, after a couple of seconds, kitty licked the water from it. "Well yeah I know, this doesn't taste like milk but we don't have any so you'd better get used to this..." _What the hell, I'm talking to a damned cat_, Bodie thought. _This sure is fucking pathetic_. And yet, he dipped his finger again, this time tabby licked the water without hesitation. Bodie sighed but continued.

Watching the cat, it occurred to Bodie that Ray might need some more to drink he too. He should keep the kidneys working properly even if Ray didn't want to drink. It would also mean that he maybe had to use the catheter first thing in the morning, but better safe than sorry, thinking of the medicine also. Hell Ray wouldn't like that, at all. Bodie felt a pang for his mate.

"Oi, what are the two of you up to?" Ray hadn't heard what Bodie said to the cat, and got worried as the minutes went by without him seeing his mate.

"Trying to make this idiot cat of yours suck water from my finger."

"You... _what?_" Ray was dumbfounded. Bodie must have got brain-damage. Or then, the kitty had really put a spell on his mate.

In the kitchen Bodie filled a jug with water. He gingerly managed to put the kitten on the floor and took their mugs and the jug into living-room, managing those with his better hand when the kitty's cup was in his other one. He poured some water into Ray's mug and ordered strictly his reluctant mate to drink it. He didn't see the kitty and when he went back to search for him, he saw tabby sitting in front of the door, and allowed him to slip out. Bodie added still some firewood and thought he might let the fire die during the night as it was nicely warm in front of the fireplace, the heaters would manage after the fire died and the quilts were nicely warm. Ray was startled when Bodie moved his quilt, and pinched him again. And again Ray's feet – yes, both of them – twitched a little. Bodie was content, it looked like the situation hadn't at least got worse.

Ray noticed the smile. "Do you get some special kick out of pinching me?"

Bodie actually managed to raise his eyebrow and give the mischievous scoundrel look Ray had seen thousands of times. "Dammit Bodie, you'd better mind that skull of yours if you come into my arms' range."

Bodie grinned. "Sounds like you're feeling better, mate. And looks like that too, you're getting some colour back."

Ray thought for a moment. "Yeah, I don't feel as drowsy and I have more feeling all around. And the back... it's kind of tolerable. When I don't try to move anything, that is."

Bodie was happy to hear that. "Didn't I tell you not to worry? See now, things are not that bad anymore." Bodie struggled back to his feet to check on the kitty, and sure enough, when he opened the door, the little creature sneaked back in and timidly followed Bodie when he started to put off lights for the night. It wasn't that late actually, but he felt he could hardly stay on his feet, so totally and utmostly knackered he was. There was a lamp standing in a corner which he left burning so that he wouldn't fall on anything if he needed to get up during the night. He made sure the medicines were at hand, as well as the water, and he even took the kitty's cup on the floor close by the mattress so that he wouldn't necessarily need to get up to offer more water to the tabby, who had sneaked carefully onto the mattress now, watching him from Ray's side.

That should do. Bodie sighed and carefully manouvered himself on his own mattress and put his head on the pillow. His head still hurt and he felt somewhat wobbly, but now he was finally able to let go and relax.

Ray watched his still pale mate. "So... you tried to make the kitty suck water from your finger? They're never gonna believe that at the HQ, your hard-arse reputation is at stake, mate!" Bodie threw him with an ugly glance but held his tongue.

Tabby was watching them both. He still didn't look much if any better, but at least he had got some fluids. And Bodie, tough, rough Bodie, had taken care of him. Just like he had taken care of Ray himself. Bodie had shifted closer to tiredly watch the tiny feline. Ray couldn't even imagine how tired his trusted mate must be.

"Hey little fella, don't you think that big villain is worth a little purring still?"

Bodie looked at Ray, surprised.

"Don't get used to this, though. I'll bang your head the first given opportunity for pinching me. And no, it's not _my_ cat. Looks like he has picked his _numero uno_ mate" said Ray, noticing the tabby shyly sneaking at Bodie's side, and pressing himself against Bodie's throat and chest, his head right under Bodie's chin.

Bodie felt embarassed for that... well, almost intimate touch, but the quiet purring did give such cozy feeling... without even realising it, he pulled his quilt over the little cat who after a couple of licks to Bodie's jaw, turned his back against his giant mate's warm body and fell asleep in the middle of washing his own face, his paw over his eyes in a most funny and strangely moving way.

"Go to sleep you too, Bodie," Ray whispered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine and I wake you up if anything happens." Bodie looked at him suspiciously. Ray sighed. "Or if I feel I need to move or if I feel bloody anything else whatsoever. I promise Bodie. I'm not sleepy but you are, so join your baby and just close your eyes. You look just as knackered as he is."

To Ray's surprise, Bodie reached for him with his sore arm and put his hand over Ray's wrist. "Will know if you move too much," came the muttered explanation and finally satisfied with the precautions, Bodie was able to allow his mind drift away from his aching body.

Ray listened to Bodie's breathing get slower and deeper. And although he had feared the moment he'd be alone with his thoughts, the weight of that big hand on his wrist made him feel... safe.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was so frustrating, not even be able to turn head to have a look around. Bodie had done a good job with the neck-support. He had done a good job with so many things today, after getting into the river... starting with resuscitating Ray. God... resuscitating him in that wreck of a car. And it had taken minutes, he had said... Ray, remembering the look on Bodie's face, and his pained words, had no reason to disbelieve his mate.

All Bodie had done for him today... Ray felt like suffocating and tears burned his eyes. That damned rogue, with all his quirks which sometimes made Ray want to thump him where it would hurt most, the clown who seemed to take nothing seriously, the thug who could scare the crap out of people just turning those icy blue eyes at them... the tough-guy who constantly mocked Ray for his soppy heart and eternal bad conscience, and some days got so up his nose with his idiotic remarks and badgering, that Ray seriously wondered if he should bother to show up the next morning at all... the things he had done today... Ray wondered if any person he knew could have managed half of it. Physically, maybe, he knew men that were more muscular and stronger than Bodie when it came to lifting weights and such, but who else could have used his head like Bodie today, who could have ignored his own hurts, dug out the guts and stamina... who would have cared for him, tended him like Bodie did, so matter-of-factly, as the most natural thing in the world? Who?

Ray wondered how it was possible that he knew his mate so well, yet didn't seem to know him at all... He stole a peek from the corner of his eye at his sleeping patner, seeing the bruises on his head and shoulders, the plaster, scrapes and older scars from bullets and blades and god-knows-what, around that muscular body... and the tiny tabby his head on the same pillow right under Bodie's chin... and still the weight on Bodie's hand against his wrist. If felt like that picture held in it so much about Bodie... also things that Ray maybe couldn't ever have imagined before.

Ray turned his gaze back to the ceiling. Although he knew – as Bodie calmly had reminded him – that he wouldn't have to watch this particular ceiling longer than a couple of days, he wondered how many days he would stay immobile on some bed, counting the tiles... how many days, how many dozens of days... and how many nights, not even his mate or the tabby being close.

Alone... just he and his spine.

Ray's body tried to sigh deep but the twang of pain shot through it and Ray had to try to control his breathing. Anyway to have a couple of broken ribs was pretty much normal, he knew they would heal in their due time. But the idea of a possible paralysis... it was more than Ray could bear. Day after day after night after night being tied to a bed or a wheelchair... and everything else coming with it, like the image of Bodie watching the catheter reminded him. They would probably fix some permanent thingie onto him for that of course, but still... Jesus... no jogging, no riding, no pub-nights, no work, no sex, no standing in a shower, no... nothing...

Ray gasped and unconsciously made fists. He realised it only when he felt Bodie's grip of his wrist get firmer and his mate's breathing go uneven on the verge of waking up. Ray didn't want to wake up Bodie, hell the man deserved his rest, so he tried to relax and control his anxiety. But it wasn't easy, not with all those images he had in his mind... and the pity. Sorry looks, embarassment, awkwardness, whispers, stiff smiles... that might be even worse than pain... and how long would it take? How long before he would learn to live with it... or before he would snuff it?

Ray tore his thoughts off the worst. He tried to make his toes move but didn't have a clue if anything happened under the quilt. He had felt Bodie's pinches though, so maybe it wasn't quite hopeless... Anyway, Ray knew he would have to be operated. He knew enough to realise something was broken, something was pressing his spine, and there wouldn't be any hope of walking again unless that something was dealt with. But he also knew there was a risk of it going wrong... and even if the operation succeeded, he would still face maybe months of pains and physiotherapy, and nobody could still guarantee if he would ever be able to return to the squad. Ever. If he ever would have Bodie at his side again, bugging, bantering, badgering... Surely Bodie would be given a new partner right after his return to service, maybe Murphy... or one of the new recruits, those poor sods wouldn't have an idea what would be waiting for them... or then, there could be someone like Bodie himself, someone who could take the stupid jokes, who would be tough enough in Bodie's opinion, not taking all the worries in the world on his shoulders, hell someone Bodie would feel at home with and enjoy working with...

And oddly enough, that thought brought back the tension and anxiety and Ray didn't even realise he had moved before he heard Bodie's sleepy "Yer alright, Ray?"

"Yeah I'm allright, it was just a... nothing. Go to sleep."

"Back?"

Ray sighed. "No. It's ok. Don't worry. Just sleep."

Bodie watched his mate's tense face and understood. "Sunshine... get some sleep you too. Let your head get empty for a while."

"Dunno if I can," Ray confessed.

"Yeah, you have all the time too many ideas bouncing around in that curly head of yours," Bodie tried to joke.

But that made Ray remember his previous thoughts and he closed his eyes, angry... at himself, or at Bodie?

Sleepyness had vanished from Bodie when he followed the expressions on his mate's face and the kitty woke up he too hearing them talk.

Ray missed the momentary sadness in the blue eyes. "Tell me," said Bodie simply.

Ray wanted to scream at him, tell him to shut up and sod off. "No... I'm fine. Just you sleep. Please."

Bodie took a deep breath. "Ray... tell me... _please_."

The tabby brushed his head against Bodie's chin, and then went to Ray, carefully snuggling under Ray's arm.

Bodie's hand followed the kitten up Ray's arm. "Ray, I know I said something stupid again. Sorry. But please tell me."

Ray didn't know what it was that got to him, Bodie's quiet voice, the warmth of his hand on his arm, or the tiny kitten who gently washed his skin. Ray swallowed. "Just... stupid thoughts. Nothing else, don't worry."

Bodie was quiet for a moment. "You can hardly expect me to not worry" he stated softly. _Yeah Ray, you should know that by now_,. But he couldn't force Ray talk if the man didn't want to... So Bodie moved his pillow a little closer and gingerly moved himself too. He noticed Ray watch him. "Well, when the fire dies it may get cooler here again. You can have a part of my quilt too if it gets too cold."

And once again Ray was thrown off balance by his mate. "Bodie... how can you be like that?"

"Like what?" Bodie was puzzled.

"Like... like you are, dammit..." Ray felt he was choking. "Like you were a bloody nurse or something..."

Bodie knew he had to tread carefully. "Well... I have sometimes been a nurse. Or not, really, quite, but I have needed to take care of wounded guys and such in the bushes, and I've been taught how to do some things." _And none of those guys have been my mate like you are, Doyle. But I don't ever dare to tell you that. At least not now when you would take it as pity_. "Why does it bother you?"

"It makes me feel... so helpless. You're my mate, bloody hell, you're not supposed to be my friggin' nurse!"

"Ray... stop that, right now. " Bodie did sound genuinely angry. "Ok I may be your nurse at the moment, but bloody hell I'm not going to stop that only because it makes you think of what may happen! What I think of, what is the _only_ bloody thing I think of, is to keep you as comfortable and in as good condition as I ever can, so that you would have the best possible chance to get on your feet again!"

Ray felt mute.

Bodie sighed and lowered himself down on his pillow again as his angry burst had made his head pound again. He stroked Ray's arm slowly.

They were silent for some time.

"Bodie..."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For... everything you did today."

"Any time, mate. Any time."

"And thanks to you too, kittie." Ray managed to stroke the tabby under his arm and the kitty turned purring on his back. "You know, Bodie... maybe I could have me a cat for company if... if things turn bad in the end." And then he just couldn't keep his thoughts inside, and haltingly told Bodie everything from counting the tiles to Bodie's future partner. Bodie listened to him in silence, and the kitty continued cleaning Ray, purring softly.

"Ray... nothing bad is going to happen tonight. We only are here in the house, safe, and we have fireplace and that little rascal for a cat as company. Let's worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Okay? We can talk more about all this tomorrow when there's more light around. But now you too need to sleep. I'm not going to kiss you goodnight but the little guy seems to be more than enthusiastic doing that..."

Ray, who had got the biggest weight off his chest, felt suddenly weary. "Okay will try... by the way, shouldn't we come up with a name for the kitty?"

And again Bodie managed to surprise his mate. "I've done that already... Georgie." Seeing his mate's stunned face Bodie couldn't help grinning. "At least he won't turn out The Cow..."

Ray was so tired he started giggling despite his hurting ribs, and the sound made his mate laugh out loud too. And Georgie the Cat watched his lads embarassed, not being sure what this quake meant.

"Come on Ray, calm down, Georgie can't sleep 'cause you make him jump," grinning Bodie tried to make his mate settle down.

"Sorry Georgie... sorry mate..."

Both Ray and Bodie stroked the kitty until he started to purr again, and after a few minutes drowsy Ray noticed Bodie had fallen asleep his hand on his upper arm. Georgie moved carefully and came to brush his head against Ray's face in most calming and soothing manner before returning under Ray's arm.

Bodie opened his lids a few minutes later and gently pulled Ray's quilt higher up so that it covered his mate's chest as well as little Georgie. The sight made Bodie smile and he calmly put his hand back on Ray's arm. Tomorrow was tomorrow but now he could let go.

He was asleep just as soon as he closed his eyes.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Beeping pulled Ray out of his uneasy slumber. When he tried automatically stretch to quieten the alarm, the pain reminded him almost instantly where and why he was.

Georgie's head was turning like owl's when he tried to figure out what that strange noise was, and his eyes were huge in the dimly lit room.

"Relax, mate, it's only an alarm-clock... no worries... " Ray turned his attention to Bodie. "Bodie... wake up." Ray called his mate's name again and his pulse quickened when there was no response. "Bodie, wake up, bloody hell!" Ray, wincing, pulled his hand off Bodie's grip to nudge the man, and only that move made his partner stir.

"... Ray?"

"Chrissake Bodie, you almost scared me out of me wits!"

Bodie still didn't look quite alert and Ray couldn't brush his worry away until he saw his mate yawn widely and stretch his back in some kind of feline way. "Scaaaa-re you?"

"Yeah. You didn't wake to the alarm and I called you like three times and still you didn't wake up. Thought it was your head..." Ray swallowed, fright had made his mouth dry.

Bodie thought to throw some joke but as none came into his mind when he saw his mate's face, he simply touched Ray's arm again. "Was just miles away in sleep. Good stuff those painkillers. Got awake when you tried to rip me arm off. You sleep any?"

"Some," Ray admitted.

He was feeling more uncomfortable, as if pain was gradually returning. And the fright had thrown any sleep away. "Bodie... could you please give me a pill more?" Ray wished it would knock him out like it had done to Bodie. He wanted to escape his thoughts, his helplessness, just a little longer...

"Sure, mate. Hang on a sec..."

Bodie was worried. He had given Ray double doze to begin with and it was only a few hours ago and he knew Ray wasn't wimpy when it came to pain. But maybe Ray would made it to the morning if he got a pill more. So Bodie forced himself from under the warm quilt and got on his knees to get the mug and pill from the table close to him. "Take this one now, and I'll give you more, and the other stuff, in the morning. Okay?"

"Okay," replied Ray quietly.

Bodie served the water and the pill, and put then the mug on the floor. Georgie watched the lads and Bodie just couldn't help giving him light rub on cheek. "You might drink too, little beast." Bodie took Georgie's cup on mattress, placing it very carefully so that it wouldn't spill. Tiny tabby didn't hesitate this time, but licked the drops of water almost greedily from Bodie's finger, still not yet figuring out the cup.

Ray followed the procedure and even in the dim light saw the softness in his mate's eyes. Nobody would EVER believe this at the HQ... ever. Bodie the bad-ass tending to a kitty...

Finally Georgie took hold on Bodie's finger with his paws and started to gnaw at it. "Oi, enough! Play with Ray's fingers, little maniac you." Bodie put the tabby under Ray's arm again and put the cup away.

Georgie tried his incisors to Ray's arm but as the bite caused first Ray twitch involuntary and then groan of the pain the sudden small movement caused, worried tabby immediately started to lick the spot and purr apologetically already before Bodie had time to say anything.

"You all right, mate? That little rat... did he bite you?"

"No I just got startled more than anything... just moved a bit sudden, no worries... "

Bodie watched Ray's shallow breathing. "Try to relax a little, if you can. The new pill will start helping soon. You have probably also pulled muscles. You cold?"

"No, not yet, the quilt is warm. And the ember. It's easier to sleep when it's not too hot anyway." "Right," admitted Bodie and started to settle down again. The temperature was however clearly lower than before, so Bodie decided to play it safe and move himself again closer to Ray so that he could put a part of his own quilt over Ray.

And that simple gesture pushed Ray over the limit.

"Don't do that!"

Bodie froze. Ray's voice was something between a hiss and a growl but Bodie had the feeling it was meant to be a shout and a whack. So... here it would come then. Bodie took a deep breath and pulled himself slowly a bit farther off from his mate, hoping to be far enough so that Ray wouldn't actually try to hit him and hurt himself even worse.

Bodie was quiet for a moment and tried to study Ray's face in the dim light.

"And stop staring at me!" another pained hiss.

Bodie lowered his head on his pillow and tried to think. He tried the matter-of-factly manner. "Ray, calm down -"

"And don't bloody tell me to calm fucking down!"

Bodie's own temper almost flared but he closed his eyes for a moment and reminded himself how badly hurt Ray was. "Ok mate, just tell me first what it is that I'm not supposed to do? Don't you want the extra quilt, or don't you want me closer?" Maybe it would be better to start from the little things. "You know, it's getting cooler and it's still quite a few hours till morning, thought we both might use some extra warmth after a while. It was cold out there. And it's getting cooler here too. I don't know where they keep the firewood to get more of it in here tonight."

Bodie's quiet, even meek voice pierced Ray. And the sense he heard there. He just felt... like exploding... or like a vacuum collapsing inside. It took a while before he could come up with any words to Bodie. "I... don't want the quilt"

Bodie sighed. Better play along for a start. "Right. I take it off then. Okay?"

Ray tried to nod, but Bodie's efficient support hindered him.

Georgie lifted his head when the other quilt came off, he had been so enjoyably curled into warmth. "Sorry little guy, this has to get off now." Bodie swallowed the rest of the sentence before it got out from his mouth. He needed to get his mate breathe easier and it looked like it would only happen if he got Ray to let out the pressure, but he didn't want to need to duck blows, or that Georgie would be within the range. "Ray, do you want to get Georgie off? If he bothers you." Ray didn't say a thing so Bodie thought to risk a little. "I mean, you sound like you'd like to bash me and you know, Georgie is pretty much an innocent here."

"I won't hurt Georgie. He's... all right."

Bodie noticed that Ray didn't give the same promise about him. The tiny tabby, sensing the tension, started to purr again, rubbing Ray's side gently and carefully, licking his arm.

All that could be heard the next minutes were Ray's uneven breathing which he tried to control, and the little comfort-factory. Bodie held completely still, trying to give his partner a chance to gain control over himself again. He usually didn't try to shun from their conflicts, hell he did more than his share in merrily creating them, his short-tempered mate being such fun to set going ballistic, but this time they – neither of them – could afford an explosion. Bodie had no intention to allow any more bodily harm happen to his mate. He knew that Ray's was a slim chance only to get on his feet again – and even so much more slimmer to make it back to any kind of duty – but he would do anything in his power to spare Ray from worse damage - and his own mind, too.

Finally Bodie saw Ray's hand trying to reach Georgie, and without thinking Bodie reached out and lifted the kitty on Ray's belly and pulled himself away again. Maybe the kitten would succeed in where he himself so miserably failed.

Men's silence continued while the tiny feline enjoyed Ray's both hands touching him, and he pawed and gnawed Ray's fingers happily and purred until he got tired again and settled down. And once again, instinctively, Bodie took the kitty down and put him beside Ray's head where Georgie in a most peculiar way raised himself to watch straight into Ray's eyes for a moment, his little light paws against Ray's cheek, before he very carefully, very tenderly pushed his own nose and cheek against Ray's nose and lowered himself by Ray's ear slowly, as caressing, and happily dug himself in the curls, as if humming softly right into Ray's ear.

"What's he doing?" Ray couldn't help asking as he couldn't quite see.

"He's layin' flat on his back and cleaning his paws, like some ancient posh hag on a sofa eating grapes in those old paintings."

Corner of Ray's mouth twitched. "He's fun..."

Bodie readily agreed to that.

"Whaddya think, would they let me have 'im?" Ray asked all of a sudden. "I mean... I can't have 'im in the hospital, but when they put me somewhere... it would be nice to have 'im for company..." Ray was quiet for a while. "He would forget me before I'd be let out of the fucking hospital anyway."

Bodie heard the sadness in Ray's voice.

"Oh he won't, I'll start using those long coats like that fella Columbo, and let Betty sew Georgie a big secret pocket there, and I'd bring him to do your pinching for me and I'd pinch the nurses who manage to escape your fingers. Guess that would be the equi-librium of terror I've heard talk about. Georgie can move at your place once you're allowed home." Although Bodie had started his comment as a joke, he suddenly felt very serious about it.

"Well yeah, you wouldn't need to come after that, would you?" Ray threw at him.

Bodie instantly grabbed it and threw likewise angrily back "Yeah I would." He was quiet for a moment before continuing in more gentle way. "Yeah I would need to come. Would need to see you get enough kicks on your arse to keep you moving."

"And what if I can't fucking get moving?"

"Then you only need more and harder kicks," Bodie stated calmly. "Yeah ok, maybe you won't make it back to the Squad. But hell, with your head, there's so much you can do without your legs! You're not dum and you can do all sorts of things I couldn't even dream about... and maybe you could even teach me some. Because if you don't make it back to the Squad, I quit there too".

Despite his own frustration Ray was startled. "Listen Bodie, I told you I don't blame you about what happened. There's no need to punish yourself or feel a martyr... Murph, Jax, new recruits, you'd make a good team..."

Bodie lifted his head from his pillow and glared at his mate. His form was very dark indeed to Ray's eye. "I don't want any of them to be my partner. Murph is ok. Jax is ok. Any of the new ones can be ok. I don't care." Bodie tried to focus on now sleeping little tabby to keep his voice stable and from shaking. "It would take a lot of time to get used to any of them. I can get along with Jax and Murphy and they know a lot and can do a lot, but still... even with 'em, god knows if I could ever get anywhere close as good and efficient as with you." And not to mention _close_, Bodie thought quietly. "And with new ones... I just don't have the patience. I would probably either get 'em killed or kill 'em myself... " He took a deep breath. "If there's a chance you could make it back again, however small chance, I can wait to see if it happens. That's no problem. I just don't want to start learning another bloke... We are a good team. The best, despite the Cow's bellowing. So he won't shut the door on you if there's any chance you could or wanted to come back."

Ray had listened to his partner and just couldn't resist quipping. "You make it sound like our team is one of those marriages of convenience. No new partner 'cause you don't want to bother."

Bodie settled down on his back and looked somewhere at the ceiling. "No new partner 'cause none of them would be my friend the way you are."

Ray saw his mate rub his face and eyes tiredly.

"Could we please leave the rest of this to daylight?" Bodie still stared at the ceiling.

"Yeah," whispered Ray, oddly relieved. He had been a mate, partner, angelfish, sunshine, all sorts of things in bodie-vocabulary... not a _friend_, not like this.

"You have many friends, don't you?" Ray asked quietly. "From your old times?"

Bodie was silent for quite some time. "No... not really."

Ray didn't push it any further as he got a feeling even this was never meant to be told to him. Silence fell again.

"Get some sleep, Bodie. And if your side gets cooler sooner you can have a bit of my quilt too."

Ray saw Bodie turn back towards him, as if questioning.

"I'm sorry I was bitching," Ray said quietly.

"Never mind," came the soft reply.

* * *

An hour later Ray noticed that indeed two quilts were better than just one.

Sound of wind brought Ray awake and for a moment he was still in the car, trapped into his seat. The cozy light of the lonely lamp brought him into reality and he managed to catch his breath. He felt the warmth of Georgie against his ear where the little kitten had snuggled cozily, and the weight of Bodie's hand again on his arm. It was a feeling Ray had hard time describing, on one hand embarassing, on the other... on the other, it kept him from freaking out. It was an anchor to hope and a barrier against loneliness.

Ray wondered, if he ever would meet again that gentle, caring man that had emerged in front of his eyes this evening and night. He wondered, if he ever would be able to talk about this night with his mate, really talk. Oh he had known alright that the ex-mercenary was not totally cold-hearted, but still Ray had never had a clue of the existence of this man who now slept less than an arm's length from him, standing guard over his well-being even while sleeping.

The air in the room was definitely cooler. Not cold, yet, but cooler. Ray gingerly pulled his quilt further up and the movement against his arm startled Bodie into awareness.

"Sshhhh... just me, sorry, didn't mean to wake you. Just you go back asleep."

"Are you okay? Getting cold?" Bodie himself coughed as his throat was dry.

"Nah, I'm fine, woke up to the wind and thought to pull the quilt better. Nothing more serious than that. You tuck yourself in better too."

Without a word Bodie spread both their quilts, carefully tucking Ray's other side, before calmly moving his pillow right next to Ray's mattress, and practically almost snuggling against Ray's shoulder and side. Georgie, who woke up to the movement, was delighted to get both his mates so close and for a while wasn't able to decide which way to park himself to make the most of it, earning mild complaints from both men who still, eventually, both fell soon asleep again, comforted by their happy little friend who decided finally nest himself between the curly and the short-clipped heads so considerately close to one another.

And no dream bothered Ray Doyle for a while.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Bodie woke up a few hours later with a jerk. He was going to get late from work, surely... but what the hell was that fur in front of his eyes and who did the curls behind it belong to? A few quick heartbeats later Bodie recognized Ray and started to remember. He settled down again to avoid waking up his mate. Doyle would need all the sleep he could get now, the more the better. It would keep some of the pain away. And the thoughts. Bodie would have to once again go through the medicines he had found to see if there was something strong enough to knock his mate out. He didn't like fiddling with the pills like this, 5 years ago he would have known exactly what to give but all the bloody new stuff... he hadn't needed to follow up and he was feeling insecure what the combined effects would be.

Bodie hurt all around, muscles were getting stiff and he knew it would take quite some curses to get himself up. His head hurt too and it was kind of difficult to focus. Bloody concussion... Bodie surely wished from the bottom of his heart it was only that and not a worse fracture. He needed to be able to function... He would just have to. Ray was dependent on him. And even Georgie. None of them wouldn't get anything to eat if Bodie wasn't able to be on his feet. But that was a minor thing compared with keeping Ray comfortable and relatively painless, and immobile. Luckily his ribs hurt, that would to some degree prevent him from trying to toss and turn while sleeping. But maybe Bodie should try to find something to support and immobilize Ray with anyway.

It was strange... the way he felt. He didn't know what had happened inside of him. Ray was the one person he felt totally comfortable with, despite them being chalk and cheese as Cowley used to say. Ray was the one person he cared most about, along with the old man. The Cow knew more things about him than any other living person, but Ray knew **him**. Ray knew him even when... even when he possibly couldn't know. Bodie couldn't phrase his thought any better.

Watching his sleeping mate Bodie wondered what it was about Ray... Hell they had despised each other right from the start, both holding himself better and smarter than the other and hating each other's guts in not admitting inferiority, but at the same time they had given credit to each other's professional skills and found those complementing. And the longer they worked together and waded in the same shit, the more they had started to respect each other. Not that they would ever admit it out loud even now , after all these years – corner of Bodie's mouth twitched – unless someone else would try to put one of them down. And yeah, they had started to care about each other. They could throw each other with verbal ice-spikes all day long and shout at each other with bulging veins, but they cared.

Actually, come to think of it, the worst rows they had had were when one or the other had put himself at more-than-usual risk, or done the opposite, allowed consideration his mate's safety interfere with efficiency in shootouts or fights. The first time it had happened, Ray refusing to shoot into the flat when Bodie had been at the window, Bodie still remembered how stunned he had been when he realised Ray had cared too much, to shoot at the Greek in case he would have missed and hit Bodie instead... all he had managed to get out of his mouth had been "Since when did you miss?" Yeah, they would yell at each other about it, yet when the time came they would still do all they could for the mate. For the partner. For... friend.

Ray had asked him if he had many friends. It had startled Bodie, the realization that for years he had let none other as close as Ray... for... well, ever. The Cow didn't count, although Bodie held the older man in great esteem and was genuinely fond of the wily bastard – not that he would ever admit that either – but the Cow wasn't a friend, he was their superior and his greatest loyalty was for CI5 and the Crown. Bodie understood that, although didn't always like it. Yet he was military man enough to accept the fact that often to achieve the goal of the mission you have to be ready to sacrifice men.

Ray... that was one man Bodie wouldn't be able to sacrifice. Risk, yes, but not sacrifice. But this time, bloody hell, this fight was one where Bodie wouldn't be able to take any blows for his friend. Ray would need to suffer it all and there was nothing Bodie could do about that... nothing else than be there for his mate and help him cope with the outcome, whatever that may be. More than anything, Bodie feared Ray might try to push him away again, to avoid showing weakness. If Ray would succeed there, Bodie didn't know what he could do. He simply didn't want to lose Ray from his life, not that way...

_If only he could accept that I care_, thought Bodie in his misery. _I wouldn't if I was him. And I wouldn't much fucking care if he was like me. But I just bloody care. He's the only human I trust. If __he only dared to trust me... _

Bodie searched Ray's hand under the quilt and took it in his. Another thing he could never admit to anyone. And he wished somewhere deep that the sleeping man would accept his hand without those wake doubts.

Ray did. And Bodie was able to drift back to sleep, his hand held by Ray's fingers.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Such was their fatigue that when Ray woke up a couple of hours later, he still held his sleeping mate's hand. Pain was lurking just behind the corner, and he desperately would have wanted to shift his position as he had already been immobile for hours. He didn't see the clock and wondered what time it was, and whether he should wake up his partner or let him sleep. He didn't know how Bodie's hand had got into his, it felt... strange... special.

Ray was sorry he wasn't able to turn his head to look at his partner, whose warmth and closeness had kept him comfortable during the night. It would have been a rare chance to behold the private person that was Bodie, at an unguarded moment. After what Ray had witnessed only hours ago, he wondered how many layers that man had... man he had thought he knew so well.

Ray tried to decide. He hated to wake up his partner, but if he didn't get more medicine pretty soon, the effect might be lost for quite some time. He could tolerate pain, hell he had made it to the cottage, but he didn't want to cause more worry to his mate. Bodie would need to be confident enough to start looking around once there would be daylight, and to try and get them help if he himself was in good enough condition.

But he could wait for a few minutes more... it felt nice, to have Bodie so close. Especially after their short talk. To know... that he wouldn't be totally alone. It had been the worst thought, to lose everything... not only his job, but also his sense of belonging... Although Ray did have some sort of family, and a few good old mates he was in contact with every now and then, his only existing truly meaningful human relationships... no. After Jen screamed the last time after him in the hotel, _THE_ only existing truly meaningful human relationship was to this deadly dangerous ex para now sleeping like a baby almost against his shoulder.

Actually, thinking of it... what ever had happened with other people; girls not tolerating his working hours and being ever-on-duty no matter how "off" it should have been, what ever troubles at work, how bad all his suspicions and doubts and anger after ops gone from bad to worse, after all the terrible mistakes or what he had believed to be mistakes, fallouts with Mr Cowley, and the disaster with Ann... there was one person who had never left him, walked out from him, not even when Ray himself had told him to go to hell and stay there.

He hadn't ever really paid attention to it. It just felt... natural. To have Bodie, not always by his side, but always ready to get there if there was need, even when they had practically had a fistfight or yelled at each other with crimson faces, or sulked after some fallout. He remembered so well the incident when he really hit Bodie and made the man collapse on a sofa, and that quiet, so-terrifyingly-composed _Feel any better?_ when the partner had wiped blood off a smashed lip. Anyone else Ray knew, would have hit him back – and hit hard. No doubt Bodie wanted to, too, but somehow he had restrained himself... Oh he had seen cold murder in Bodie's eyes, many times, and he knew that he didn't even want to know all his mate had been (maybe still was) capable of doing before accepting the reins of the old Scot... but Ray had never needed to doubt Bodie's loyalty. Forced loyalty at first yes, Ray couldn't really blame Bodie for reluctance to co-operate with someone whose first thought about him was "a murderous bastard" or something of the sort. But from there it had first evolved into their version of esprit de corps, or a "mobile ghetto" as Bodie had put it, until Ray had to his astonishment realised he held Bodie as his friend.

It was easy to work with Bodie... excluding all those infuriating quirks that made Ray want to scream at times... at least it was easy to operate with Bodie, whether on duty or at leisure. They already knew each other so well, knew how the other one would react and function, their actions and reactions being automations, smallest hints and gestures being as shouted commands... as if they were able to read each other's minds. Ray knew that Bodie, the simple existence of him, had been a tough cookie for some girls who had realised they had no chance of really pushing in between the two, or between Ray and his work. Well most of the time it was the same thing... Maybe it was same for Bodie and his girls... not all of them had taken too kindly to Ray walking straight into their bedrooms to collect his mate to some sudden tip-off. But a simple fact was that no-one else than someone with first hand experience of their line of work could ever understand or accept all it brought with it. He had thought Ann would... but at the end of the day, it was Bodie who had come to his aid in picking up the pieces.

They really had seen the worst about each other over the years... and accepted it. Life was as it was. They were as they were. But would Bodie really be able to accept his immobility if there was no way of recovery, would he still stay loyal? Wrong question maybe... Bodie would stay loyal, but would he stay a friend out of his free will and not only out of sense of duty?

Ray felt Bodie stir and felt his warmth even closer. Ray just couldn't help it, his hand squeezed Bodie's and he more sensed than saw his mate waking up quietly. But Bodie didn't pull his hand away – and neither did Ray.

"You all right?" asked Ray softly.

"Yeah" came husky reply. "You wake up long?"

"A few minutes only. D'ya mind giving me another pill?"

Bodie got worried. "Pains again?"

Ray had to admit it was crawling in. "Not so bad yet though, it did let me sleep. But maybe it's better to try and keep the worse edge away if there only are enough of those," and as Bodie's frowning face and bruised shoulder came better in view, Ray added "AND you'd better have the stuff yourself too."

"Maybe not that bad an idea" admitted Bodie and grunting started to work himself up from the mattress. As he had guessed, it was tedious and painful as it felt like his creaking joints and moaning muscles had hard time taking any orders.

Georgie had naturally woken up too and when he noticed Bodie planned to get up he ran to the door. Bodie sighed but thought he might as well go to kitchen and make Ray a sandwich to go with the Dexa. He first gave Ray the painkiller with water, which his mate readily accepted, and after a moment of hesitation took one himself too before heading to the door where Georgie waited nervously. Cold air rushed in the already cooler cottage when Georgie rushed out and Bodie could see a hint of dawn.

"Will make you a sandwitch and you take the other pills with it, ok?" Bodie peeked in the living-room before disappearing in the kitchen.

He quickly washed his hands and made a couple of sandwiches, and when he was ready he already heard tiny meows behind the door and went to let the tiny tabby in, and they both hurried into the warmth under the quilts. Georgie got there first as he didn't need to take tablets or place a napkin over Ray's chest so when Bodie finally got the chance to push his legs into warmth, he already heard content purr and soon curious nose emerged to examine if there was something for him too. Ray pushed the other sandwich to Bodie who was more than ready to consume it, and Ray couldn't help smiling when he saw Bodie share the cheese with Georgie, and once again offer the tiny feline water from his fingertip.

Bodie noticed the smile and frowned a bit. "What's so funny?"

As Ray didn't want to lose that strange gentle man from his sight quite yet, he used half of the truth. "Georgie. It's good to have him around."

Bodie was quiet for a while. "Yeah... he's kind of sweet. Helpless little bugger."

_Sweet_? Did Ray actually hear Bodie say that word? Ray noticed Bodie put the water away again when Georgie started to paw at his fingers, and then he took off Ray's napkin.

"Ray... do you mind if we rest a little longer? You could have a nap again if you only can."

Ray noticed Bodie settle on his back and watch the ceiling again. "Sure, didn't mean to go jogging yet."

Bodie glanced at his mate. Ray had shut his eyes and there was tension on his face. Pain or fear? wondered Bodie. "Ray... is there anything I can do?"

Ray stayed quiet for a while and let out a shallow sigh. "No... not really. Unless..." Bodie waited. "... it's cool, would you mind being just a little closer?"

Bodie moved closer without a word. And without a word, Ray's hand searched his.

"I'm so fucking scared" Bodie hardly heard the quiet confession. "Scared of losing _everything_." Bodie lifted Georgie on Ray's stomach again and then took Ray's hand, placing them both on Ray's tummy under the quilt so that his mate was in some kind of half-embrace. "You have what it takes to deal with it, mate" said Bodie quietly. "And me and Georgie, we'll be there. All the way, until you're on your feet again, one way or another." Georgie purred his consent. "I mean, if you let us." There was a long silence. Then Bodie felt Ray squeeze his hand, very tight.

Very tight.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The elderly Scot was waiting for the dawn, still hours away. Sleep had fled, as it had done so often... The events of the past days bothered him, as did the memory of dead Ferguson and almost unrecognizable, battered Kennedy on the stretchers, and stunned faces of Connor and Greer who were the permanent partners – who had been the permanent partners of those two... Neither of the two were married, thank God, and didn't go out with any regular, but Ferguson's parents were still alive, in Inverness, and conscience didn't allow anyone else be sent to tell them... oh yes, George Cowley did still have conscience.

He wondered briefly if it was better to take painkillers or open the bottle of whisky he had left on his table. He longed for numbness... both to his bad leg and to his mind.

It never got any easier, to be the bearer of bad news, bird of ill omen... Especially when you could see that the lost life belonged to someone who had been loved and appreciated, like Ferguson clearly had been. There was no consolation to give, only empty phrases... as if dying _for Queen and Country_ would hurt any less. Bollocks. But at least he would honour his men, his lads, and as he was the one to send them out, he also would carry the consequences and face the tears and wavering voices, bursts of grief and occasional hatred...

Sometimes he too hated, hated his work, hated the world he lived in which made his work necessary... sometimes, not even a bigger picture could help him. Oh yes, he knew that catching those bastards had saved lives and healths of maybe dozens of totally innocent civilians, not to mention government property, but those would-be victims were still a faceless mass, while the bloodied faces of Kennedy and Ferguson were in his mind clear as photographs.

He would need both the pills _and_ the whisky.

But he could use the hate as he had done this evening when he had got back from Inverness. Oh he could use it so well, whipping the men around him work hard and still harder, and peeling off answers in the interrogation rooms... Aye he could have used Doyle and Bodie there today too, but as Murphy had told him this assignment had cost them their girlfriends, he had decided to let them go get their heads full and forget this world of shite for a day or two. Had done well, those two, during the hunt, and saved some young local coppers when things started to fall apart, aye they had done well... as they most of the time did. Damned hecklers and troublemakers they were alright, sometimes more than a handful, but even if they often were hard to handle together, separated they became practically uncontrollable as he had seen all too many times.

It was a strangest kind of hunch, premonition, that had made him to make a team of those two. Och he knew they had detested each other in the beginning, both had in their turns come in his office to demand re-teaming, but he had kept his head, and when weeks turned into months and months into years, he had seen the gradual changes and now he knew he had a team that maybe would never be surpassed, or even equalled in CI5... his true Bisto Kids. Two cocky arrogant bastards to begin with, both in their own ways ruthless and violent, extremely skilful fighters, yet they had unknowingly filed and hacked away the worst extremes from each other; the moody and volatile, yet painstakingly fair ex-copper, and the cool, calm and almost emotionally frigid ex-mercenary. When they worked together they were a force to reckon, a real unit... and Bodie had a calming and soothing influence on Doyle, while Doyle had managed to make Bodie accept some moral values.

Their chief emptied his glass in the dark room, and wondered, och how many times he had wondered and how many times he still would, if those two had ever paid attention to the change in themselves when they were together. They had grown together... and in their case, 1 + 1 was much more than 2. He only wished that the two would be able to keep each other alive long enough that he might manage to persuade them to start to teach, train and look after a new generation of agents when they would inevitably some day need to leave the streets. Oh what a dynamo those two could be... now as he finally could be certain they would not be a disaster. At least relatively certain. Maybe.

George Cowley sighed, remembering those impossible situations the two hellions had put him into, and then chuckled remembering some of those countless cheeky quips and shameless puns they had offered... and he also remembered what he himself had made them go through and sighed again... aye, good lads. Hardy, intelligent both in their own distinct ways, and fiercely loyal if their loyalty was earned. Not liked by most in CI5, feared and envied also amongst their own being such difficult men, but good, damned good they were. And God willing, if they were given time enough to get some more education, and most importantly: heal each other even more so that they would start to show their better sides to the people around them and not only to each other, they would be the men to whom George Cowley could trust his child, CI5, with Jax and Murphy as their wingmen.

If they were given time... The chief of the CI5 stood in front of the window, resting his forehead against the cold glass, tired to death... he could hear the wind in still near darkness and could not brush off his restlessness. Anxiety.

He stood there hours waiting for light. Any light.


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Ray was mute. All the emotions and words stumbled upon each other so that nothing got out, no sound of intellect. Fear and relief fought each other, and only the touch of those two living creatures kept him anchored. He had been close to death before, he had been injured before, if it was only death or pain he could face it... but to lose his life while he still was breathing, that was something he hadn't been prepared to. To be helpless, to be in mercy of others for not only some time of recuperation, but maybe for the rest of his life... To be useless.

To be nothing.

He gasped, on the verge of shattering to pieces. He wanted... he wanted to be left alone. That was it, he wanted to be left alone. Nobody would bloody hell see him break. Not him.

"Go" he managed to grunt, pushing Bodie's hand away. It was hard to breathe. But his hand was again in a warm grip. "Go. Bodie... leave me alone." He felt the hand hesitate, and then slowly let go.

He couldn't see a thing, his eyes were burning so he squeezed them shut, using all his willpower to breathe in and out, and try to hold on to... to what? Pride? Dignity? Self-respect? His gasp for breath was a wail.

Two pairs of eyes were fixed to him in total silence, both knowing they were not wanted, yet unwilling to leave their partner. But the animal instinct was not burdened by human doubts. The tiny tabby understood his companion hurt, and this hurt, great pain came from somewhere very deep, and it could make his companion go away to hide... leave his group, vanish. So step by step, letting out short, frightened meows, almost like muted cries, the tabby most carefully lowered himself on man's arm to avoid the ribs, and slowly crept by his mate, calling him as he had in vain called his mother, trying to reach into the hurt, to maintain the bond, to not be left alone again. He was scared to approach the man, but that fear of being clawed or bitten was overcome by fear of being left again. And shaky, horrified kitten sneaked beside the man's chin, pleading, calling, until he finally turned his gaze to the other man to ask for reassurance.

That look from the eyes of wordless little kitten was like a cry, and it drilled into the quiet man, hurting, resonating with his own feelings. Bodie swallowed and turned away. He would be hated, yeah, either by Ray or by himself. Not many choices to pick from.

After a long moment his voice made it to Ray's consciousness. "Sorry mate. I can't. I just can't." And Ray felt warmth come back, closer, until he realised he was held gently. "I can't go." The quiet whisper swept away the rage he tried to muster. "You see, Doyle, Georgie and me... we... shit..." Ray heard Bodie swallow and clear his throat. "We need you. I need you."

And Bodie's head was right next to Ray's. "Guess I need you more than you've ever needed me. Don't close the door on me, Ray. We're a team. We've seen all shit. I... I can't make this undone, Ray, but don't close the door on me. I'm your mate. And you're the best mate I've ever had... best friend."

In silence they felt Georgie shift slightly between their heads. He had stopped his heartbreaking calls and was now silently and tensely waiting what would happen with his giant companions who were now so close. His instincts told him to be ready to run for safety... and suddenly he felt Ray's body tense.

* * *

It took a while before Ray was able to speak again. Georgie was trying to dry his cheek, and Ray was thankful the little kitten was blocking Bodie's sight to his tear-marked face. Not that it would make any difference anymore, and he just was too tired and exhausted to really care. Bodie was warm and steadfast against his side. Ray was so tired... more tired than ever before. He only wanted to shut his eyes and shut this day and the entire world out.

Bodie listened to Ray's silence. It had been terrifying to witness his mate breaking down... and Ray would probably hate him for it. But Bodie hadn't flinched. And somehow he knew that this probably had been the worst. Yes there would still come hard times for his curly-haired mate, when fear and frustration would sweep over him. And there would come times when Ray tried to push Bodie away, but yet Bodie was sure that none of those would be as hard to tackle than what had just passed – as if Ray had collapsed inside. And all that Bodie could do was to hold him.

And Bodie understood Ray. He knew his mate well enough to know that immobility was for Ray even worse thing to bear than threat of dying. Yet somehow Bodie would have to find the way to get his mate fighting again, if not otherwise, then really kicking Ray's arse. That was the one thing he was really good at: irritating Ray. Once they would be out of this cottage, and Ray would be safe in hospital, Bodie would do all in his power to get his mate's eyes flash again. But he would have to be careful so that it wouldn't backfire.

Georgie had now done all he could dealing with the salty cheek and moved back. Bodie noticed that Ray looked tired and he pulled the quilt up again. "Have a nap, mate. A bit more sleep will do us both good. I wake you up at 8 for breakfast if I'm awake myself. OK?"

" 'kay" came quiet reply. Bodie settled himself comfortably next to his mate, earning purr from Georgie who now was convinced nobody would get clawed or vanish, and was able to relax again in the warmth of his two companions. Both men managed to doze off in that comforting sound.


End file.
